Billy Whiskers at Home

by Frances Trego Montgomery

“While the toreador was trying to make the darts stick in the bull’s shoulders or haunches, the picadores teased him by shaking a red cape in his face or else throwing it in front of him just when he was about to gore the horse. The bull took after the picadores and they had to run for safety, jumping over a medium high wall that surrounded the whole ring, and formed a very narrow passageway. It was built just high enough for a bull that is a good jumper to get over, but the passageway was so narrow that if he went over straight, there was not sufficient room for the bull. This bull hung over the wall until he could twist himself straight, which delay gave the picadores time to escape and they returned to the ring. This happened many times that day and made the audience howl with delight and clap their hands. As soon as the bull would get himself straightened out, he would run around the enclosure until he came to an open door, and running through it he would find himself in the ring once again.

“This performance continued with each bull until he would have two darts sticking in him and then another bull was brought on, and this one was led out by six cream-colored oxen with humps on their backs like water buffalo have. These oxen were trained to walk over to where the bull stood and quietly encircle him, so that he walked out in the midst of friends.

“As many as eight or nine bulls were used in that one afternoon. Some of them would not fight at all, even though stuck with sharp darts and annoyed in every imaginable way. When one refused to fight, it was led out by the cream-colored oxen and another bull brought in.

“The performance was concluded with a kind of burlesque show such as one might see at a circus. Two men dressed in suits made of thick rubber like automobile tires came into the ring. They were so clumsy in their suits they could scarcely waddle, and when a bull knocked them over, he could not hurt them. When they fell and he rolled them around, they simply pulled their heads into the suits much as a tortoise pulls its head into its shell, and let the bull maul them until he was driven off by the picadores. Then the picadores would help them to their feet as their suits made them so clumsy they could not get up if once they fell down.

“These men made the bulls furious. They bellowed and stamped and swished their tails with anger, all of which tickled the crowd immensely.

“Another thing they had that greatly pleased the audience was a paper ship under full sail. Four men got inside the ship and carried it around. It was a comical sight as the men’s legs showed below the ship where the water ought to be. They stood where the bull would see the ship the first thing on entering the ring. At first the bull was so astonished he simply stood still and stared at them. Then with a swish of his tail, he made for it at full speed. A single onslaught shattered it and there was a grand melee of bull, men’s legs, sails and splinters. The bull was all tangled up in the sails, and while he was trying to extricate himself, a man on stilts and dressed in a long Mother Hubbard and wearing a false face of Mother Hubbard and that good lady’s bonnet walked into the ring. For a while Mother Hubbard dodged the bull cleverly, but at last she stumbled and fell across the bull’s back. When the bull finally freed himself of his burden, the false face with the bonnet was still sticking between his horns, the dress and stilts trailing across his broad back, while the man impersonating Mother Hubbard was running for shelter back into the bull shed.

“This was the last performance of the day and it sent the crowd home laughing instead of horrified as a real bull fight would have done. And I for one say that all bull fights should be like this one and no government should be permitted to hold such cruel and horrible ones as are given in Spanish countries.”

Billy bowed low in conclusion and was about to leave the jutting rock he had used as a platform when the crowd of animals below cried, “Tell us something more! Tell us something more! We never travel nor see anything of the world, and it will be the greatest treat for us if you will tell us what you saw and did.”