Billy Whiskers: The Autobiography of a Goat

by Frances Trego Montgomery

Now was Billy's chance. Luscious pears, peaches and grapes lay before him ready to be eaten, and without a moment's hesitation he began to sample each, while now and then he would eat a rose or two between, thus making his own salad. And he found he liked his fruit salad served on rose leaves just as well as on lettuce.

In reaching for an extra delicious-looking pear he had to stand on his hind legs with his fore feet on the lower shelf. But alas, for his greed! His weight on the board that formed the shelf was too much, and it flew up in the air sending the fruit in all directions and making such a racket that the fruit dealer heard it and turned around just in time to see the wreck of his stand.

The Italian was so horrified and dismayed to see what had happened that he forgot what little English he knew and chattered and swore in Italian until you would have thought a dozen parrots had been suddenly let loose.

The policeman tried to stop and catch Billy by spreading out his legs and waving his arms, but Billy only lowered his head and ran between the policeman's legs, upsetting him as he went through for Billy was fat and the policeman short-legged and there was not room to slide through without upsetting the man.

The policeman picked himself up and started in hot pursuit, swearing under his breath that if he ever caught that goat he would club its brains out.

Of course the policeman could not catch up to the fleet-footed Billy, so he called out—"Catch him!" But no one cared to attempt it, especially when Billy lowered his head with the long horns on it and ran at him.

But at last, after dodging in and out of the people on the sidewalk and the carts and wagons in the street, one man was brave enough to try to catch him. He was a big German butcher and he stood plum in Billy's way, and when Billy lowered his head at him, as he had at the others, the butcher caught hold of his horns and gave his neck a quick twist. This made Billy furious and he reared on his hind legs and struck at the butcher with his fore ones, and then the fight began; first one was on top, then the other, and they rolled over and over into the mud of the street, while a big crowd gathered, which cheered and called out:

"I bet on the goat!"

"Give it to him, Dutchie!" and all such expressions, until at last Billy got on his feet again, and with a parting hook he slit the butcher's coat up the back and left him lying in the mud, while he ran off as fast as his legs would carry him. And it is needless to say that none of that crowd tried to stop him.