Billy Whiskers: The Autobiography of a Goat

by Frances Trego Montgomery

fter Billy left the policeman hanging on the fence, he walked through street after street trying to find his way out of the town, so he could go back to Nanny, but the more he looked for the scattered houses of the suburbs, the more closely they seemed to be built, and he found himself on a street where there were nothing but stores and flats. It was beginning to get dark and he was getting hungry and tired.

"I'll turn down the next alley I come to and see if I can't find someone's back gate open where I can go in and rest," thought Billy. He soon found the back yard to a flat and as he stood in the open gate looking up, he could see by the gas light in the different apartments, the cooks getting supper, and could smell the sweet odor, to him, of boiled cabbage.

"Now is my chance," he thought, "to get supper and then come back and sleep in this coal shed I see in the corner."

As there were long flights of stairs that connected one flat with the other, he thought he would commence at the bottom flight and go to the top, stopping at each flat as he went and picking up anything he saw fit to eat. At the first landing, the cook had just been out to the ice-chest to get something for supper and had neglected to shut the door tightly, consequently it was an easy matter for Billy to push it open with his nose, and then help himself to the nice, crisp, fresh lettuce and radishes he saw lying on the shelf. These he ate in a twinkling; next he found a basket of eggs, these he did not care for, but he did want the bunch of large carrots back of the basket, so he stuck his head farther into the chest to reach the carrots and in doing so, his horns ran through the handle of the basket and when he brought his head out of the chest, the basket of eggs came too.

It slipped down until it hit his forehead and then it turned over, spilling the eggs on the floor and making a terrible mess. As the eggs broke, each one made a noise like a small paper torpedo, and Billy knew the noise would bring the cook, so he scooted up the stairs to the next landing, where he kept very still in order to hear what the cook would say when she saw the broken eggs for he heard her coming out.

"Goodness, gracious, me! The grocery boy has dropped a package of eggs on his way up stairs. No he hasn't either, for my ice-box door is open and someone has been stealing my things!" he heard her say, and she hurried down stairs to look for the janitor to tell him that sneak thieves had been at her ice chest.

When Billy heard her go down the stairs for the janitor, he went to the upper flat, for fear the janitor would find him if he stayed where he was. Arriving at the upper flat, he saw a line of nicely-starched, fine linen things,—a baby's cap, two or three handkerchiefs and a lace tidy. These he chewed up and swallowed for he liked the taste of starch and they felt quite like chewing gum in his mouth as he ate them. Then he saw a pan of apples setting outside the door and he ate some of those. While eating he heard the electric bell in the kitchen ring, which scared the life out of him at first, but when he looked in the window and found out what it was, he got over his fright. When the girl left the kitchen to answer the bell, Billy thought he would go in and take a drink from a pan of milk he saw setting on the table. He had nearly finished the milk and his whiskers were all wet from being in the pan, when he heard a scream and, looking up, he saw the girl standing in the doorway, screaming: "Fire! police! murder!"

"What a goose that girl is," thought Billy, "to make such a racket, she will have the patrol here and four or five policemen if she don't shut up. Guess I will run into her and butt her through the hall and down the front stairs."