Billy Whiskers: The Autobiography of a Goat

by Frances Trego Montgomery

"It really is a shame, for you are too pretty to be shut in a cage. Are you sure you can't break some of those bars some night and get out?"

"I am sure," said the llama, "for I have tried time and again."

"Well, Billy Whiskers, you are the 'consarnedest' goat I ever knew, and how in the 'dickens' you managed to break that chain is more than I can tell," Billy and Miss Llama heard someone say behind them and looking round they saw the animal keeper.

"So, so; you simply pulled up the stake you were tied to when you found you could not chew your chain in two, did you? Well, come along with me; you have been idle long enough, and we are going to teach you some new tricks."

When Billy heard this his heart sank for he disliked the ring-master and was afraid they would make him stand on his hind-legs and walk. Had he only known it, that was the easiest thing he would have to do. He was led to the performing ring and there stood the hated ring-master facing a line of animals standing in a straight line reaching from one side of the ring to the other. In the middle stood the elephant, with the summer house, as Billy called it, on his back; next him stood a camel; next the camel a giraffe; next the giraffe a horse; next the horse, a zebra, and last a little Shetland pony. On the other side of the elephant were more animals standing in the same order.

"What in the world can they want of me," thought Billy, but he soon found out for they dressed him up as a clown in a white suit with red spots on it and tied a mask on his face and a pointed clown's cap on his head. Then they led him to where the pony stood and made him walk up a step ladder, onto a little platform, strapped to the pony's back. From this he was made to walk up another step onto a similar platform on the zebra's back; here he was made to stop and make a bow and so on until he had reached the little summer house on the elephant's back. This he was made to enter and sit upright on a little seat that was inside while the elephant started forward and walked out of the ring carrying Billy with him.

After this he was dressed as a workman, with a pipe in his mouth and a hod of mortar strapped to his shoulder, and made to walk part way round the ring on his hind legs. Then he was allowed to rest and was given a bunch of carrots to eat. While he was eating these Betty was brought in hitched to a little low wheeled cart. Then a great Dane dog was brought in hitched to a similar cart. After that a man pulled in another cart like the other two and hitched Billy to that. The carts were painted red, white, and blue and trimmed with flags. Soon three little dogs dressed as ladies were carried in, put into the carts with the reins over their necks. Then the goat, burro, and dog were put neck to neck, ready to start on the race that was to begin when the ring-master cracked his whip.

At the signal the dog got started ahead, but half way around the ring Billy passed him; the next time around, the dog was again ahead, when slow little Betty balked in the middle of the course and both the goat and dog ran into her upsetting the carts and spilling out the little lady dog drivers. None of them were hurt and the little dogs ran around stepping on their silk petticoats and getting their hats askew, they enjoying the upset by barking and making all the noise they could.

"Well, boys, you want to do it better at the regular performance," said the ring-master, as the animals were led from the ring.