Enter Servant.
Row. How now fellow,
Whither Post you so fast?
Ser. O sir my Master,
Pray did you see my Master?
Row. Why your Master?
Ser. Sir his Jewel.
Row. With the gilded Button?
Serv. My pretty Mistress Livia.
Row. What of her?
Serv. Is falen sick o'th suddain.
Row. How o'th sullens?
Ser. O'th suddain Sir, I say, very sick:
Row. It seems she hath got the toothach with raw Apples.
Ser. It seemes you have got the headach, fare you well Sir.
You did not see my Master?
Row. Who told you so?
Tra. No, no, he did not see him.
Row. Farewell Blew-bottle. [Ex. Servant.
What should her sickness be?
Tra. For you it may be.
Row. Yes, when my braines are out, I may believe it,
Never before I am sure: Yet I may see her;
'Twill be a point of honesty:
Tra. It will so.
Row. It may be not too: you would fain be fing'ring
This old sin-offring of two hundred, Tranio,
How daintily, and cunningly you drive me
Up like a Deer to'th toyle, yet I may leap it,
And what's the Woodman then?
Tra. A loser by you.
Speak, Will you go or not? to me 'tis equal.
Row. Come, What goes less?
Tra. Nay, not a penny Rowland.
Row. Shall I have liberty of conscience,
Which, by interpretation, is ten kisses?
Hang me if I affect: her: yet it may be,
This whorson manners will require a strugling,
Of two and twenty, or by'r-Lady thirty.
Tra. By'r-Lady I'll require my wager then,
For if you kiss so often, and no kindness,
I have lost my speculation, I'll allow you—
Row. Speak like a Gamster now.
Tra. It may be two.
Row. Under a dozen Tranio, there's no setting,
You shall have forty shillings, winck at small faults.
Say I take twenty, come, by all that's honest
I do it but to vex her.
Tra. I'll no [by-blowes].
If you can love her, doe, if you [can, hate] her,
Or any else that loves you—
Row. Prethee Tranio.
Tra. Why farewell twenty pound, 'twill not undoe me;
You have my resolution.
Row. And your Money,
Which since you are so stubborn, if I forfeit,
Make me a Jack o' Lent, and break [my] shins
For untag'd Points and Compters: I'll goe with you,
But if thou gett'st a penny by the bargain;
A parting kiss is lawful?
Tra. I allow it.
Row. Knock out my brains with Apples; yet a bargain:
Tra. I tell you, I'll no bargains; win, and wear it.
Row. Thou art the strangest fellow.
Tra. That's all one.
Row. Along then, twenty pound more if thou dar'st,
I give her not a good word.
Tra. Not a Penny. [Exeunt.
Scæna Quarta.
Enter Petruchio, Jaques, and Pedro.
Petru. Prethee, entreat her come, I will not trouble her
Above a word or two; ere I endure [Exit Pedro.
This life and with a Woman, and a vow'd one
To all the mischiefs she can lay upon me,
I'll go to Plough [again], and eate Leeke Porridge;
Begging's a pleasure to't, not to be number'd:
No there be other Countries Jaques for me and other people, yea, and other women.
If I have need here's Money, there's your ware,
Which is faire dealing, and the Sun, they say,
Shines as warme there, as here, and till I have lost
Either my self, or her, I care not whether
Nor which first.
Jaq. Will your worship hear me?
Petru. And utterly outworne the memory
Of such a curse as this, none of my Nation
Shall ever know me more.
Jaq. Out alas Sir.
What a strange way doe you run!
Petru. Any way,
So I out-run this Rascal.
Jaq. Me thinks now,
If your good worship could but have the patience.
Petru. The patience, why the patience?
Jaq. Why I'll tell you,
Could you but have the patience.
Petru. Well the patience.
Jaq. To laugh at all she do's, or when she railes,
To have a Drum beaten o'th top o'th house,
To give the neighbors warning of her Larme,
As I do when my Wife rebels.
Petru. Thy Wife?
Thy Wife's a Pigeon to her, a meere slumber,
The dead of night's not stiller.
Jaq. Nor an Iron Mill.
Petru. But thy Wife is certain.
Jaq. That's false Doctrine,
You never read of a certain Woman.
Petru. Thou know'st her way.
Jaq. I should doe, I am sure.
I have ridden it night, and day, this twenty year.
Petru. But mine is such a drench of Balderdash,
Such a strange carded cunningness, the Rayne-bow
When she hangs bent in Heaven, sheds not her colours
Quicker, and more, than this deceitful [Woman]
Enter Ped.
Weaves in her dye's of wickedness: what sayes she?
Ped. Nay not a word sir, but she pointed to me,
As though she meant to follow; pray sir bear it
Ev'n as you may, I need not teach your worship,
The best men have their crosses, we are all mortal.
Petru. What ailes the fellow?
Ped. And no doubt she may Sir.
Petru. What may she, or what do's she, or what is she?
Speak and be hang'd.
Ped. She's mad Sir.
Petru. Heaven continue it.
Ped. Amen if't be his pleasure.
Petru. How mad is she?
Ped. As mad as heart can wish Sir: she has drest her self
(Saving your worships reverence) just i'th[' cut]
Of one of those that multiply i'th Suburbs
For single Money, and as durtily:
If any speak to her, first she whistles,
And then begins her compass with her fingers,
And points to what she would have.
Petru. What new way's this?
Ped. There came in Master Sophocles.
Petru. And what
Did Master Sophocles when he came in?
Get my Truncks ready, sirha, I'll be gone straight.
Ped. He's here to tell you
She's horne mad Jaques.
Enter Sophocles.
Soph. Call ye this a Woman?
Petru. Yes sir, she is a Woman.
Soph. Sir, I doubt it.
Petru. I had thought you had made experience.
Soph. Yes, I did so.
And almost with my life.
Petru. You rid too fast, Sir.
Soph. Pray be not mistaken: by this hand
Your wife's as chaste, and honest as a Virgin,
For any thing I know: 'tis true she gave me
A Ring.
Petru. For rutting.
Soph. You are much deceiv'd still,
Believe me, I never kist her since, and now
Coming in visitation, like a friend,
I think she is mad, Sir, suddainly she started,
And snatch'd the Ring away, and drew her knife out,
To what intent I know not.
Petru. Is this certain?
Soph. As I am here, Sir.
Petru. I believe you honest.
And pray continue so.