Fanny's First Novel

by Frank Frankfort Moore

He had looked for his resources of artfulness to be drawn on in the transaction—perhaps even his physical qualifications for the defence of the sacred secret as well. He felt as a strong man might feel on going forth to meet a giant, to find himself confronted by a dwarf. The mission was unworthy of his powers. Fanny's thanks heartily given to him, with the repeated assurance that, but for him, the affair could never have been carried out, scarcely compensated him for the tameness of the affair.

For the next month or two it was a busy household in St. Martin's Street. Lieutenant Burney was joining his ship for another long voyage, and he had to be provided with a fresh outfit. The stitching that went on in the work-room surpassed even that maintained during the months preceding Esther's marriage; but the labour was lightened upon more than one occasion by the appearance of Mr. Garrick. Mr. Garrick had the freedom of the house in St. Martin's Street, as he had had that of the Poland Street domicile, where he had so often spent hours amusing the children with his inimitable drolleries.

But Mrs. Burney thought he went a little too far in taking off their friends, and even their own father, though his malicious touches were as light as the pinches of Puck. He had been paying a visit to Mr. and Mrs. Kendal, and he convulsed even Mrs. Burney by his acting of the scene of his reception by them, the lady much more coy than she had ever been at the Wells, and the gentleman overflowing in his attentions to her; but both of them esteeming him as their benefactor.

And they were so well satisfied with the honourable estate to which he had called them, that they appeared to be spending all their time trying to bring about matches among their acquaintance. No matter how unsuitable some of the projected unions seemed, no matter how unlikely some of the people were to do credit to their discrimination, they seemed determined that none should escape “the blissful bondage”—that was Mr. Kendal's neat phrase. Mr. Garrick repeated it with a smile that made his audience fancy that Mr. Kendal was before them.

“'The blissful bondage—that's what I term it, sir,'” said Mr. Kendal, through Mr. Garrick. “'But the worst of the matter is, Mr. Garrick, that we have nearly exhausted our own circle of friends'—'I can easily believe that, sir,' interposed Mr. Garrick—' and so we feel it our duty to fall back upon you.' 'Lud, sir,' cried Mr. Garrick, jumping a step or two back as if to avoid a heavy impact—'Lud, sir! a little man like me! I should be crushed as flat as a black beetle.' 'Nay, sir, I mean that we are compelled to ask you for a list of a few of your friends who, you think, should be brought together—half a dozen of each sex would be sufficient to begin with.'”

“Of course I demurred,” said Garrick, telling his story, “but before 'the blissful bondage' had been repeated more than a score of times I began to think of all against whom I bore a grudge—here was clearly the means of getting level with them; the only trouble with me was that I found myself confounding the people who bore me a grudge with those against whom I bore a grudge—the former are plentiful, the latter very meagre in number. With the exception of a few very dear animosities which I was hoarding up to make old age endurable, I have killed off all my enemies, and was forced, like Mr. Kendal, to fall back on my friends; but even among these I could find few that I could honestly say were deserving of such a fate as I was asked to nominate them for. I ventured, however, to mention the name of Lieutenant Burney, of His Majesty's Fleet, coupling it with—I could not at first think of an appropriate partner for James, but at last I hit upon exactly the right lady.”

“What! a splice before I set sail next week?” cried Jim. “That's good news, sir. And the lady's name, if you please, and her address. Give me my hat, Susy; there is no time to be lost. A splice in a trice. Come, Mr. Garrick, her name? Cannot you see that I am hanging in stays until you tell me who she is?”

“She is a very pleasant lady, sir. I can assure you of that,” said Garrick. “Not too tall even with her hair built à la mode; a pleasant smile, and a happy way of conversing. In short, Lieutenant Burney, I can strongly recommend the lady, for I have known her for the past twenty years and more, and from the first she was a staid, sensible person—the very partner for a sailor, sir, being so contrary to him in every point.”

“Hark'ee, Mr. Garrick; though I don't quite see myself in tow of such a state barge, I'll trouble you to relieve my suspense by telling me her name.”

“I have more than once thought when I was young that she would make me an excellent wife,” said Garrick; “but I soon perceived that I was not good enough for her. She has always been an exemplary sister, and I saw that, try as I might, I could never become her equal in that respect; and for married happiness, my boy, there is nothing like——”