Antipho casts one look of terror down the street, cries: "It's father himself, I just can't stay," and takes to his heels.
Phæd. Now, Geta, what next? Ge. Well, you're in for a row; and I shall be hung up by the heels and flogged, unless I am much mistaken. But what we were advising Antipho to do just now, we must do ourselves. Phæd. O, come off with your "musts"! Tell me just what to do. Ge. Do you remember how you said when we were planning how to get out of blame for this business that "Phormio's suit was just dead easy, sure to win"? Well, that's the game we want to work now,—or a better one yet, if you can think of one. Now you go ahead and I'll wait here in ambush, in case you want any help.
They retire to the back of the stage as Demipho enters from the direction of the harbor. The old man is in a towering rage, for he has heard the news, which by this time is all over town. After listening awhile to his angry soliloquy, and interjecting sneering comments sotto voce, Geta and Phædria conclude that it is time to act. So Phædria advances to his uncle with an effusive welcome:
Phæd. My dear uncle, how do you do? Demipho [crustily]. How are you? But where is Antipho? Phæd. I'm so glad to see— Dem. Oh, no doubt; but answer my questions. Phæd. Oh, he's all right; he's here in the house. But, uncle, has anything gone wrong with you? Dem. Well, I should say so. Phæd. What do you mean? Dem. How can you ask, Phædria? This is a pretty marriage you have gotten up here in my absence. Phæd. Why, uncle, you aren't angry with him for that, are you? Dem. Not angry with him, indeed? I can hardly wait to see him and let him know how through his own fault his indulgent father has become most stern and angry with him. Phæd. Now, uncle, if Antipho has been at fault in that he wasn't careful enough of his purse or reputation, I haven't a word to say to shield him from blame. But if some one with malicious intent has laid a trap for him and got the best of him, is that our fault, or that of the judges, who often decide against the rich through envy, and in favor of the poor out of pity? Dem. But how is any judge to know the justice of your case, when you don't say a word in self-defense, as I understand he didn't? Phæd. Well, in that he acted like a well-bred young man; when he came before the judges, he couldn't remember a word of his speech that he had prepared; he was so bashful.
Seeing that Phædria is getting along so well, Geta decides to come forward.
Ge. Hail, master! I'm very glad to see you home safe again. Dem. [with angry irony]. Hail! A fine guardian you are! A regular pillar of the family! So you are the fellow that I left in charge of my son when I went away?
Geta plays injured innocence, and wants to know what Demipho would have had him do. Being a slave, he could neither plead the young man's cause nor testify in his behalf.
Dem. O, yes; I admit all that. But even if the girl was never so much related, he needn't have married her. Why didn't you take the other legal alternative, give her a dowry, and let her find another husband? Had he no more sense than to marry her himself? Ge. O, he had sense enough; it was the dollars he lacked. Dem. Well, he might have borrowed the money. Ge. Borrowed it? That's easier said than done. Dem. He might have gotten it from a usurer on a pinch. Ge. Well, I do like that! As if any one would lend him money in your lifetime!
The old man, beaten to a standstill, can only fall back upon his obstinate determination, and vow that he won't have it.
Dem. No, no; it shall not be, it cannot be! I won't permit this marriage to continue for a single day longer. Now, I want to see that other fellow, or at least find out where he lives. Ge. Do you mean Phormio? Dem. I mean that woman's guardian. Ge. I'll go get him for you. Dem. Where is Antipho now? Ge. O, he's out somewhere. Dem. Phædria, you go hunt him up and bring him to me. Phæd. Yes, sir; I'll go find him right away. Ge. [leering at Phædria as the latter passes him]. You mean you'll go to Pamphila [Phædria's sweetheart].