Show Me
There is a dame I know you know,
Who'll make big talk, will brag and blow
About the waffles that she makes,
Also her corn and buckwheat cakes—
But always my cake's dough.
She tells of this or that one who
At breakfast, once ate twenty-two!
And when she feared that he would bust
He raved and railed and almost cussed,
And said he wa'n't half through.
I've hinted and I've begged this dame
To just for once treat me the same.
But always she the question begs,
Or's out of cream, or maybe eggs,
Or some excuse as lame.
Yet here am I, so thin and pale,
While she, dear soul, is plump and hale.
If she's the best cook in the South,
Why let me stand with watering mouth?—
She should be sent to jail!
Now, I'm from out Missouri way,
Where "Please show me," is what they say.
I'm hungry and too weak to walk,
So "Please feed me, or stop your talk!"
I'll tell her this today.
A pawfull and a mawfull I
Must have or else I fear I'll die.
Her talk does naught but aggravate;
It does not help my famished state
Nor hunger satisfy.
Unless I get a waffle quick,
Unless I get it awful quick,
I'd better beat her up, I guess,
And mar her beauty more or less—
Unless I get it quick!
Damfino Jones
Damfino Jones, a mental drone,
Had no opinion of his own;
He grew to manhood meek and mild,
But he was Indecision's child,
It was the same in weal or woe:
He "wasn't sure," or "didn't know."
In business he would hesitate
To buy or sell until too late;
So, naturally he ran in debt—
But hasn't run back out as yet.
When asked when he a debt would pay
He "couldn't just exactly say."
In romance he just "couldn't just exactly say."
If he loved Blanche or Isabel—
He married Jane, and, safe to say,
'Twas she who kept the wolf at bay.
And with religion, mixed he got
When asked if orthodox or not.
In politics he'd weigh and weigh,
And then not vote on 'lection day.
And so he wavered till he died
And never did one thing decide.
Now I don't know, but it is said
He isn't now quite sure he's dead.
Take note of men who've made success:
They tell you "No" or tell you "Yes"
Right off the bat, nor step aside
When faced with questions to decide;
While men like Jones just paw the air
And never do get anywhere.
This truth shines out like bright new tin:
Think for yourself if you would win.