Tales out of school

by Frank R. Stockton

“My friends, we can never conquer the giants in an open fight. One of these huge creatures could crush a dozen of us at a time with one foot, and a giant’s club would knock our whole colony higher than a kite. Moreover we know nothing about fighting. The kobolds have been peaceable people from the beginning of time, and all warfare is distasteful to us. The giants are big and strong, but everybody knows they have not much wit, while our small heads are full of brains. The giants do nothing but mischief, and any fool can do that. But we spend our time in work that requires intelligence and skill. The king has honored us by selecting us to punish the giants for their bad behavior, and I feel sure we can conquer them; but we must do it by using our brains, and not with weapons of war.”

The name of the dwarf who thus spoke, was Bron, and he was looked upon by the whole colony as the brightest wit among them. So they listened attentively to all he had to say. But they were not in the humor for following this good advice. The king evidently expected them to fight the giants, and fight them they would.

They sent a message back to the king that they were going forth to battle, and, in three days, would bring to him, as a trophy, the head of Kruge, the chief giant.

The dwarfs now consulted as to a plan of action. It was agreed that they should, in a body, march upon the stronghold of Kruge, surprise him while asleep, and tie him down, fast and firm, with a great number of small cords. Then they would cut off his head.

If Kruge was killed, or submitted to them, the remaining giants were as good as conquered, for they all depended upon Kruge.

The kobolds sharpened their little swords that had only been used for cutting twigs, and strings. They made bows and arrows, and gathered sharp sticks, and armed themselves with brooms, and hoes, and spades, and reaping-hooks. They organized companies, and drilled, and marched, and counter-marched all night long; and enjoyed it immensely. They slept soundly the next day; and by night, they were ready for action.

They marched gaily forth in four bands of a hundred each. The first band was assigned to Bron. He did not approve of the expedition any more than at first, and his heart was sad, for he thought his tribe was marching to certain death. But, as they were determined to fight, he resolved to go with them, and do his best. It was better to die with them than to live alone.

Kruge lived a long distance from the castle, and, as the dwarfs had to rest most of the day, it was late in the second night when they drew near the great cave where the giant dwelt. Fortune favored them, for Kruge lay outside of the cave stretched upon the ground fast asleep. He did not hear the delicate footfalls of the tiny creatures who had come to him with such evil intent, and they could easily tie him down without awaking him. But the dwarfs saw that their small cords would avail nothing when the giant did awake. He would snap them in a minute. And the probability was that as soon as they commenced sawing at his throat to cut his head off he would wake up. What would become of them then? He could crush half a dozen of them with one hand. His size too, was appalling! They had forgotten he was so very big when they sent the king word they would cut off his head.

While they whispered these things to each other, and became more frightened every moment, Bron tried to rally them into some sort of order, and some show of courage.

Suddenly the giant drew in his breath, and sent it out again in a most tremendous snore. The sound was as loud and terrible to the kobolds as the roarings of a lion is to men. Those standing in front of the giant’s mouth were blown by his breath to the distance of a hundred yards, and fell, badly bruised. And then commenced a mad stampede. The dwarfs fairly tumbled over each other in their haste to get away, and they did not stop to take breath until they reached the friendly shelter of a field of mushrooms, fully a mile from the giant’s cave. Some of the very little ones finding their legs failing them, sprang upon the backs of butterflies, and bees, and made the rest of the journey in that fashion.