Voice from the audience: “Go on with the yarn, governor, never mind the pictures. They’ll do another time.”
After explaining my difficulty at some length I did try and “go on with the yarn”; but it was a poor attempt, for I had looked to the pictures as a series of notes, in fact I had entirely relied upon them, and I had not had sufficient experience to teach me how to do without them. So I am afraid the lecture was a very poor thing indeed—and if the collection was anything to go by, it was so—for the total amount realised was one shilling and fourpence halfpenny.
As soon as the audience had gone an enquiry was held among ourselves as to why the gas had given out. Apparently it still remained a mystery, or the blame was put upon Brins Oxygen Company. But I knew full well, and so did several of the others, I am sure, that the gas had all been used in practising, owing to the inexperience of our lanternist. So effective steps were taken to secure an operator of skill and experience for our next attempt, and the trouble never occurred again.
I think when the few examples of incompetence that I have given are remembered, and that they are all that I have had experience of during a lecture period of sixteen or seventeen years, the conclusion must be arrived at that my encomium upon lanternists is fully justified, and that I have solid foundation for offering them my gratitude. But I must add one more instance of trouble, not at all through incompetence, but incredible folly, which occurred to me some years ago in a large northern town. The secretary of the society for which I was to lecture met me upon arrival at the station, and accompanied me to the hotel where he had engaged a room for me, as hospitality had not been offered. When he had seen me comfortably installed he left me, but just as he was going he asked me for my slides, telling me that he had to pass the hall on his way home, and he would leave them there. Now I had never hitherto been parted from my slides like that, and did not at all see the necessity, but a foolish dislike to appear distrustful of him overcame my reluctance, and I allowed him to take them away. I warned him, however, that they were all in order for use, and that he was to tell the operator so, as well as that when I came I would myself explain which end of the box I wished him to take first. It was also arranged that the secretary should call for me and conduct me to the hall shortly before eight.
In due time he arrived, and we set off gaily together, both in high spirits, for it was a fine evening. I was feeling particularly fit, and we both anticipated a good house. Arriving at the hall at five minutes to eight, I went straight to the lantern, where I found two men, one of whom greeted me cheerfully with:
“Good evening, sir. We’ve looked through your slides, and we’ve arranged them all right for you!”
I felt as if a lump of ice had suddenly been laid upon my spine. In fact I could hardly speak for a moment, but when I could, I grasped the first half-dozen of the slides, exclaiming:
“You’ve surely never dared to alter the order of my slides!”
But they had. A glance was sufficient to show me that these two men, acting under Heaven knows what impulse, had deliberately disarranged my slides. I am usually proof against a sudden shock. But it was eight o’clock, and the lecture due to begin, so I will admit that I was upset. My hand shook so that I could not hold the slides, and I dropped a number of them, breaking six. Then despairingly I lumped them all into the box again, and bore them off to the anteroom, where I told the secretary that he must put the lecture off for a quarter of an hour, and that I would explain to the audience why they had been compelled to wait.
But I was now cooler, and I soon had the slides rearranged; while I recognised that I should do myself no good, and might, with two people like that in charge of my slides, be subjected to a bad breakdown. So I went on as usual, apologised for the delay, and had no more trouble. After the lecture was over, however, I had a heart-to-heart talk with the secretary, which was quite inconclusive, since neither he nor I could form the faintest idea why the outrage had been committed. Nor have I ever learned, for I could not get speech of the perpetrators. I strongly suspect, though, that it was nothing more than careless curiosity at first, and then, the slides not being numbered and many of them not even spotted, the inquisitive ones could not put them right again. The childish yarn about arranging the slides for me was uttered on the spur of the moment, perhaps as a sort of impromptu explanation. However, I suppose it is hardly necessary to say that never again have I trusted anybody else with my slides until they were to be used.