With a strong effort Güntz raised himself, bent over the white leaves, and with swift-moving pen filled page after page.
He had decided to send in his resignation.
The request should go up to the regiment before the duel, and now he was explaining to Reimers the reasons which had decided him to take this sudden step. To Reimers alone. But if he wished he might show the letter to the colonel. The opinion of any one else was immaterial to him.
At the outset he begged his friend not to think that he had withdrawn from the duel out of cowardice. He could point to his whole previous life in support of this--the life of a quiet, resolute man, always consistent with his principles. And, after all, Reimers knew and trusted him.
This duel was utterly senseless, brought about as it had been by a laughably trivial occurrence; and, moreover, it was in the highest degree unfair, despite the fact that both duellists would face each other under similar conditions, with similar weapons, and with the same sun and the same wind. It was unfair, because the stakes were of such totally unequal value. A man in his prime, who had done good work in his profession and promised to do still more, must pit himself against an irresponsible young fellow, who up to the present had shirked everything serious. And then Güntz's position as husband and father must be compared with his opponent's irregular life. An absolute cypher was opposed to a number that counted; and, moreover, to a number doubled in its capacity.
Güntz said roundly that he regarded his life as too valuable to be thrown into the balance of this quarrel.
Then he went more into detail with regard to the doubts which for weeks had been harassing him and driving him towards the decision to renounce his right to wear the uniform of an officer; the strong doubts as to whether, under existing conditions, German officers were not undertaking work of no benefit to the future.
He did not mean to say that the calling of an officer was an altogether unproductive vocation. The yearly training of a large number of soldiers, who supported the credit of the kingdom, and thereby insured peace, was, no doubt, a positive factor in both political and social life.
But was this bulwark, which year by year was rebuilt and strengthened anew, really secure enough to withstand storms and assaults?
That was just what he doubted.