I am writing this down on the 14th September, the day on which the Church celebrates the Festival of the Holy Cross. The denomination of this festival is also that of the glowing and mysterious feeling which has pierced my entire life as with a sacred wound.
Yes, "Jesus Christ on the Cross," a yearning longing after the Cross and the raising of the Cross,—this was ever my true inner calling; I have felt it in my innermost heart ever since my seventeenth year, in which I implored with humility and tears that I might be permitted to enter the Paris Seminary; at that time I hoped it would be granted to me to live the life of the saints and perhaps even to die a martyr's death. This, alas! has not happened—yet, in spite of the transgressions and errors which I have committed, and for which I feel sincere repentance and contrition, the holy light of the Cross has never been entirely withdrawn from me. At times, indeed, the refulgence of this Divine light has overflowed my entire soul.—I thank God for this, and shall die with my soul fixed upon the Cross, our redemption, our highest bliss; and, in acknowledgment of my belief, I wish before my death to receive the holy sacraments of the Catholic, Apostolic, and Romish Church, and thereby to attain the forgiveness and remission of all my sins. Amen.
I thank my mother with reverence and tender love for her continual proofs of goodness and love. In my youth people called me a good son; it was certainly no special merit on my part, for how would it have been possible not to be a good son with so faithfully self-sacrificing a mother?—Should I die before her, her blessing will follow me into the grave.
I owe it to my cousin Eduard Liszt (Dr. and Royal County Councillor of Justice in Vienna) to repeat here my warm and grateful affection for him, and to thank him for his faithfulness and staunch friendship. By his worth, his talents, and his character he does honor to the name I bear, and I pray God for His blessings on him, his wife, and his children.
Among our Art-comrades of the day there is one name which has already become glorious, and which will become so ever more and more—Richard Wagner. His genius has been to me a light which I have followed—and my friendship for Wagner has always been of the character of a noble passion. At a certain period (about ten years ago) I had visions of a new Art-period for Weymar, similar to that of Carl August, in which Wagner and I should have been the leading spirits, as Goethe and Schiller were formerly,—but unfavorable circumstances have brought this dream to nothing.
To my daughter Cosima I bequeath the sketch of Steinle representing St. Francois de Paul, my patron saint; he is walking on the waves, his mantle spread beneath his feet, holding in one hand a red-hot coal, the other raised, either to allay the tempest or to bless the menaced boatmen, his look turned to heaven, where, in a glory, shines the redeeming word "Caritas."— This sketch has always stood on my writing-table. Near it there is an ancient hour-glass in carved wood with four glasses, which is also for my daughter Cosima. Two other things which have belonged to me are to be given as a remembrance to my cousin Eduard Liszt and to my much-loved and brave son-in-law Hans von Bulow.
Some of the members of our Union of the "New German School"—to whom I remain deeply attached—must also receive some remembrance of me; Hans von Bronsart, Peter Cornelius (in Vienna), E. Lassen (in Weymar), Dr. Franz Brendel (in Leipzig), Richard Pohl (in Weymar), Alex. Ritter (in Dresden), Felix Draseke (in Dresden), Professor Weitzmann (in Berlin), Carl Tausig (from Warsaw)— either a ring with my sign-manual, a portrait, or coat-of-arms.— May they continue the work that we have begun—the honor of Art and the inner worth of the artist constrains them to do so. Our cause cannot fail, though it have for the present but few supporters.—
One of my jewels set as a ring is to be sent to Madame Caroline d'Artigaux, nee Countess de St. Cricq (at Pau, France). To the Princess Constantin Hohenlohe (nee Princess Marie Wittgenstein) I bequeath the ivory crucifix (cinque-cento) which was given to me by my kind patron the Prince of Hohenzollern-Hechingen—also a pair of studs with five different stones, which form the five initials of my name.
And now I kneel down once more to pray "Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven; forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us; and deliver us from evil. Amen."
F. Liszt