"You see the ol' gas stuff got us bad, some on us," he explained. "But I got this 'ere bloomin' smash in the jawr, and that took up so much o' me bally time I didn't pay no attention to no gas, you believe me! I warsn't the only bloke lyin' there. They was a fair lot o' our chaps near me.
"The snipin' was cruel. Some o' the poor blokes that was bloomin' well shot already got 'it agin. I was jest thinkin' mine was comin' when wot oh! 'ere comes three big Prooshuns, tall as 'ouses. Good-day, Bill, says I to meself. You next! It'll be the butt for your nut from these 'ere lobsters.
"But not a bit. They ups with me and carts me over to a 'ouse. Leastwys it wor a 'ouse, wonct. An' wot do you think! Them Prooshuns give me a bloomin' fill o' cold coffee, like Christians!
"'Bout this time the Buffs was comin' on an' my Prooshuns had to skin out, rapid. They didn't do nothin' to me only say, 'Ta-ta!' in Dutch. The fire got so 'ot I crawled off down a crick-thing full of the stinkinest stuff that ever got called water. I rounded around, after a while, an' come up back o' them Buffs a little. They saw me and bloomin' near shot my 'ead off, so I lay still.
"Then I crawled more. I 'ad got in front of some more o' our chaps by then. Big 'uns was goin' orf right there, an' 'eads was down, you bet. I was gettin' closer, when a fat-'ead sees me an' starts shootin'. I 'ollered, an' the more I 'ollered the more 'e let off 'is silly gun. 'E 'it my pore ol' cap, 'e did. Then some cuss shuts 'im orf, an' they come out and gets me.
"'Who are you?' says a orficer chap. 'I'm damned if I know,' says I. 'I've been shot at by everybody I've seen all mornin', except three big 'Uns.'
"'Mad,' says a cove, short-like. 'Send 'im in.'
"'An' 'ere I am, with no jawr much left.'