And making again obeisance to the emblem, he sat down amid a thunder of applause, and the hullabaloo of the loud-noise-producing instruments.
Then spake the Reverend Tee De Little Wit Blatherskite, “Brethren, that testimony must have done us all good, I am sure. Will some other good brother favor us with his experience?”
Then stepped forth Andronicus Carnivorous, and, making three very low obeisances to the Flag, said in a voice low and broken with emotion: “Brother dogs and fleas: This is the proudest and solemnest moment of my life. When I look on that glorious Flag, amongst whose bright spots and broad red streaks, I can, with my mind’s eye, see, traced in lines of refulgent brightness, ‘LIFE, LIBERTY, HAPPINESS, EQUALITY, FRATERNITY,’ my heart swells to bursting with gratitude, that some God, Providence or other beneficence, did, in boundless mercy, direct my wandering feet, when a young and poverty-stricken dog, to the shores of this glorious free land, so bountifully blest with the milk and honey of prosperity; and that I was privileged—for it was a privilege—to rest and dwell, and make my home under the great broad shadow of that grand old Flag [making obeisance thereto] of the Free [Flea applause].
“Oh, Brother dogs—for though that blessed Flag has prospered me immensely, and made me as corpulent a sucker as the most monstrous of your fleas, I am not puffed up with pride, but still deem it my highest honor to count myself as one of you, and to share with you the dignities of your citizenship. [Applause from the dogs and a mysterious voice from the rear, “Yes, but not the hunger of it,” and cries of “Put him out.”]
“Oh, brother dogs, if it is such a blessed privilege to come in as a ragged stranger, and with the brogue of a foreign dog on my tongue, under the folds of this Flag, Oh! what must it be to be born under it, of parents born under it, too! Oh! I cannot enough congratulate the dogs here, who were thus blessed, upon the unutterably precious heritage they have in that fact. Neither can I forgive the irreparable wrong—unintentional though it might have been—my parents did me, in having brought me into the world in a foreign land, in the midst of the darkness, heathenism, want, misery and tyranny that reign wheresoever that Flag fluttereth not. [Tumultuous applause from dogs and fleas.] Yet, though I cannot help that wrong, I yield to no dog and no flea in the width, length, depth and intensity of my love and adoration of that blessed emblem of the liberty, equality and fraternity that all enjoy that live under it. Yea, I believe that I, carrying about with me the agonizing consciousness of my foreign origin, am more acutely appreciative of the blessedness of living under it than they who are born under it, and can claim the Flag as their very own. Often and often am I amazed that so many of our native dogs seem so little to appreciate their blessings. Instead of living in a state of perpetual thankfulness, that they were born and live under this Flag, and participate in the wealth, protection and liberty it scatters over all that are worthy, they go about discontented and complaining of hunger and hard work; and I have often been shocked by hearing some of these very native dogs say, ‘Damn Flags when you’ve nothing to eat.’ I think all such dogs are blind and ungrateful, and should be punished as infidels and blasphemers. [Applause.]
“Oh, Brethren, I can testify that the Flag has abundantly blessed me, though a foreigner born. And what I say is, that what it has done for me, it stands ready to do for all. I love it. I live for it; I would die for it if need were, and I should happen to be in the country at the time. I would abide ever under its great, wide, brooding folds, but that an imperious and inevitable duty drives me to spend most of my time away over the pond.
“Like my dear friend, Dephool Flea here, it is with a high and lofty purpose I go abroad. Upon me is laid the solemn duty to go and testify to my old kin beyond the pond, what great things this glorious Flag hath done for my soul and body. Over there are divers cantankerous and evil-minded carpers and jibers against our glorious liberties, who allege that our dogocracy is all snide; our equality all fake; our fraternity all buncombe and gaseous boast; our liberty all a gorgeous mendacity. Therefore deem I myself charged with the responsibility of putting to silence and shame these calumniators, by frequently dropping myself amongst them, a visible, tangible, audible proof and specimen of the product of our Flag. It is laid on me to be the exponent of Triumphant Dogocracy under the Flag of the Free; and woe is me if I shirk to discharge this duty.”
“I can understand the pain it gives our beloved Chancy to be away from under his beloved Flag, three or four months every year, and the overwhelming joy he always feels in getting back again; for it is martyrdom to me to be expatriated so long; but I bear up under it as well as I can, cheered by the reflection that I have a mission that none but I can fulfill, and that I am performing the incalculably beneficent service of disseminating correct notions about this great country and its Flag, and creating friendly feeling towards it.”
“When this my duty shall be finally accomplished—as I pray it soon may be—and I shall be privileged to come home finally, and rest me forevermore under the proud flutter of its waving, and daily bathe my glad soul in the healing beams of its shining, then alone shall Andronicus Carnivorous be happy.” [Immense and prolonged applause, amid which the Bamboozling Committee get around him, and hug and kiss him. And the Holy One a Maker of long prayers, regretfully sighs and says to himself, “Oh, Andy, Andy! One thing only thou lackest. If thou wert only a Christian, thou wouldst be quite perfect.”]