“The great reason why this is the cradle and home of Liberty is, that every true, native born Canisvillian—be he dog or be he flea—burns so brightly with the sacred fire of Liberty, that he acts as though he were the sole and only defender of his country’s rights and liberties. Here each citizen springs spontaneously to its defense. Not a flea of us but would spring with alacrity, at the first call of danger, to lend the Government, at six per cent., and good security, all the wealth he has; and I am sure that the noble patriotism of our citizen dogs is such that not a dog would shirk to go forth to fight and die for his Country and Flag. [Rampageous cheering by the dogs, marred by a voice, “At naught per cent. and no security.”]
“Oh! Brethren!” exclaimed Brother Phrique, ignoring the interruption, that made the Bamboozling Committee look uneasily at each other, “if there is one thing more than another that this Flag—my Flag, your Flag—has wrought into the very fibre of my soul, it is the love of Liberty, Justice and Fair Dealing. Oh, how my soul burns with indignation when I read of the injustice and brutal tyranny that are practised on the poor dogs in foreign lands—oppressions that our free and noble dogs would not endure for a moment! Oh! I wonder they do not rise and kill their oppressors. But they do the next best thing. They have heard that over here is the only genuine and original Flag of Liberty; and they come by hundreds and by thousands—escaped slaves—to rest them under its shadow, and dwell in peace and plenty forever more, where the oppressor ceases from troubling, and the weary are at rest.” [A voice from afar off: “How about your Blood and Bones Grindery, and your Devil’s Cheap Bargain Counter Dogs?” Great confusion, and a rush of police dogs to that part, with no result.]
Here the Bamboozling Committee cast anxious glances at each other, and hastily got together in a rear corner, and Brother Grandadhat said to Mountebank Dephool Flea, “Oh, Chancy, Brother Phrique will wreck this whole Bamboozle. What Evil Spirit from the Lord led that dog to ask him that unfortunate question? Oh! that we had not allowed him to come forward!”
And Chancy replied, “It is unfortunate, very. We must shut him off, somehow, or he will certainly render all our Bamboozle nugatory. There are evidently some of those thinking dogs present, damn ’em. If it had not been for them, this hocus-pocus would have gone off swimmingly.”
“Thinking dogs present, did you say, Brother Chancy?” exclaimed Carnivorous, shaking with fright. “Do you think there is danger of more trouble? Hadn’t I better get away over the pond? Is there any boat ready? Am I likely to get hurt? I have a Reputation to maintain. My Mission and the Voice of Duty——”
“Don’t be a fool, Andy,” broke in Wilhelm Bunkum Mak Tinley, “this Bamboozle is no failure by a long chalk. We will get Brother Phrique out of the way. It was a great folly and oversight on our part to let him be put forward at this juncture. But I will tickle these dogs’ ears, and pull wool over their eyes, and more than make up for this misadventure.”
“Canst thou save us, Brother Mak Tinley?” said Andronicus.
“You bet I can,” replied Mak Tinley. “Why, these Canisville dogs are the most gullible fools in all creation. They are a fish that can be caught with a bare hook every time, if only one has courage and address enough to know how to fling it. The secret lies in lying to them with the most tremendous sincerity and boldness. It is the triumph of mind over matter; of intellect over brute strength.”
“Then we will get Brother Phrique off and put thee on,” said President Dephool Flea.
So Chancy Mountebank whispered softly for a few moments unto Pharaoh Phrique, and advised him to slow down his speech, and taper off and wind up and retire as gracefully as he could, as he was jeopardizing the Bamboozle.