And right in the midst of the grand insanity the heavens were again darkened; the weird green and yellow lights flashed again; the heavenly breeze lifted up the proud and noble Flag, and flapped it with a great flapping; the fleas prostrated themselves again, and the dogs followed suit. The Bamboozling Committee, with Grover Ponderous Flea and his satellites, gathered around the throne and the Flag in a sacred circle, and the Reverend Salaried Barker Tee de Little Wit Blatherskite stepped forth, and turning to the dogs with outstretched paw, lifted up a voice of solemnity and cried:
“Hear ye, O dogs, O hear ye. Thus saith Heaven: This is the Flag of the Free, and this is the throne of King Honest Labor, our National Pride and Glory, the only real, genuine, and original Flag and throne; designed in Heaven and set up in the only spot on earth worth living in—Canisville—where God hath concentrated his blessings; the Flag, at the terror of whose shake slavery, ill-government, corruption, injustice, inequality run shrieking and terrified to hell; under whose blessed protection, virtue, honesty and industry always come to honor and wealth; and vice, idleness and dishonesty to want, shame and everlasting contempt [Solemn snickering and winking amongst the Bamboozling Committee; and the Holy One a Maker of long prayers, is heard to gently murmur, “True, all true; bless the Lord!”] a Flag under which all fleas are prosperous and all dogs are contented, and all things go on in divinely appointed order.
“Now therefore, seeing we have the grandest Country on earth, the grandest Throne, the grandest King, and the grandest Flag floating over us all, let us take these grand dispensations as Heaven’s bow of promise that God will evermore bless us and keep us. Where these are, no evil can touch us; no hunger, no poverty can ever come.
“Therefore, in the name of Heaven, whose secrets I am on familiar terms with, and to whom particularly God has revealed his will, I say poverty, hunger, want, begone! and to fullness, plenty and content, come and abide! Begone panic! begone lack of confidence! begone crisis! Let there be a conspiracy of cheerful sermons and words and talk. Let all dogs stop singing ‘Windham’ and sing ‘Coronation.’ Let them positively refuse to admit the existence of hunger amongst them. Conspire together to believe yourselves round and plump and fat and full. It is all a matter of confidence and faith; for the Blessed Book on the costly cushion, which it hath been given to me alone of Heaven to interpret, saith: “All things are possible unto them that believe!” Therefore have faith, and be ye full, contented and happy; and know ye that this is the grandest country in the world, and this the grandest moment of the grandest hour of the grandest year of the grandest century the world ever saw.”
Then the Blatherskite, lifting his eyes and paws to heaven, invoked upon them all an abundance of corn and wine and oil and bones and meat, and on top of them Heaven’s choicest spiritual blessings; all the Bamboozlers said “Amen,” the sun came out in dazzling splendor; the Flag fluttered once more; the pretty cloths were waved; the wind, bang and thump instruments made a final hubbub, and the great Bamboozle came to an end, and the delighted and happy dogs, with a final cheer, dispersed.
Then the Bamboozlers laughed and winked to each other, and hauled down the Flag of the Free and packed it away until wanted again.
But when they went to pull down the throne, they noticed that poor King Honest Labor was fallen over to one side, and when they went to tear his crown and robe off, they lifted him up, and with surprise noticed that he was stone dead and cold.
And one ran and fetched one of the curious creatures called “Emdees,” who looked the poor dog over, and gave it as his opinion that deceased had come by his decease by reason of heart failure, superinduced by the great excitement of the great Function, to which his constitution, etcetera, was inadequate, owing to chronic Vacuity of the Alimentary Canal, which was, no doubt, according to a previous statement of the deceased, an hereditary complaint, for which no one but deceased’s parents were to blame; and it was his opinion that parents ought not to have such complaints.
And some of the Bamboozlers said it was unfortunate that he should have died just then, as the pesky thinking dogs might hear of it, and do something to wreck the Bamboozle. But others confidently asserted that all dogs were fools anyhow, and that if they did get to hear that Honest Labor had died of starvation, they would forget all about it by next Bamboozle Day.