There are little secrets in all trades; and one is, how to obtain practice as a medical man, which whole mystery consists in making people believe that you have a great deal. When this is credited, practice immediately follows; and Dr Plausible was aware of the fact. At first setting off the carriage drew up to the door occasionally, and stood there for some time, when the doctor made his appearance, and stepped in. He then took a round of about three hours through every fashionable part of the town, sitting well forward, that every body might see him, apparently examining his visiting-book. At times he would pull up at some distinguished person’s door, where were two or three carriages before him, and getting out, would go in to the porter to ask some frivolous question. Another ruse was, to hammer at some titled mansion, and inquire for another titled person, by mistake. This occupied the morning; after which Doctor Plausible returned home. During the first month the night-bell was rung two or three times a week by the watchman, who was fee’d for his trouble; but after that period it increased its duties, until it was in motion once, if not twice, every night, and his disturbed neighbours wished Doctor Plausible and his extensive practice at the devil. The carriage also was now rattled to the door in a hurry, and Doctor Plausible was seen to enter with his case of instruments, and drive off with rapidity, sometimes twice a day. In the mean time Mrs Plausible did her part, as she extended her acquaintance with her neighbours. She constantly railed against a medical husband; declared that Doctor Plausible was never at home, and it was impossible to say at what hour they might dine. The tables also were strewed with the cards of great and fashionable people, obtained by Doctor Plausible from a celebrated engraver’s shop, by a douceur to the shopman, when the master was absent. At last Doctor Plausible’s instruments were used in good earnest; and, although not known or even heard of in the fashionable world, he was sent for by the would-be fashionables, because they imagined that he was employed by their betters. Now it so happened that in the same street there lived another medical man, almost a prototype of Doctor Plausible, only not quite so well off in the world. His name was Doctor Feasible. His practice was not extensive, and he was incumbered with a wife and large family. He also very naturally wished to extend his practice and his reputation; and, after many fruitless attempts, he at last hit upon a scheme which he thought promised to be successful.
“My dear,” said he, one morning to his wife, “I am thinking of getting up a conversazione.”
“A conversazione, my love!—why, is not that a very expensive affair?”
“Why, not very. But if it brings me practice, it will be money well laid out.”
“Yes, my love, if it does, and if we had the money to lay out.”
“Something must be done. I have hardly a patient left. I have an idea that it will succeed. Go, my dear, and make up this prescription, and let the boy take it to Mrs Bluestone’s. I wish I had a couple of dozen of patients like her.—I write her prescriptions, take my fee, and then, that I may be sure that it is properly made up, I volunteer to take it to the chemist’s myself.”
“Pray, what is the complaint of Mrs Bluestone, my love?”
“Nothing; she over-eats herself—that’s all. Abernethy would cure her in twenty-four hours.”
“Well, but, my love, about this conversazione?”
“Go, and make up the prescription, my dear, and we’ll talk the matter over afterwards.”