Rainscourt, who was not very expert as a lady’s maid, had some difficulty in arriving at the stays through the folds of the gown, et cetera, the more so as Mrs Rainscourt was very violent in her movements, and he was not a little irritated by sundry pricks which he received from those indispensable articles of dress, which the fair sex are necessitated to use, pointing out to us that there are no roses without thorns. When he did arrive at the desired encasement, he was just as much puzzled to find an end to what appeared, like the Gordian knot, to have neither beginning nor end. Giving way to the natural impatience of his temper, he seized a penknife from the table, to divide it à l’Alexandre. Unfortunately, in his hurry, instead of inserting the knife on the inside of the lace, so as to cut to him, he cut down upon it, and not meeting with the resistance which he expected, the point of the knife entered with no trifling force into the back of Mrs Rainscourt, who, to his astonishment, immediately started on her legs, crying, “Would you murder me, Mr Rainscourt?—help, help!”
“It was quite accidental, my dear,” said Rainscourt, in a soothing tone, for he was afraid of her bringing the whole house about her ears. “I really am quite shocked at my own awkwardness.”
“It quite recovered you though, mamma,” observed Emily, with great simplicity, and for which remark, to her astonishment, she was saluted with a smart box on the ear.
“Why should you be shocked, Mr Rainscourt?” said the lady, who, as her daughter had remarked, seemed wonderfully recovered from the phle-back-omy which had been administered,—“why should you be shocked at stabbing me in the back? Have I not wherewithal in my hand to stab me a thousand times in the heart? Look at these letters, all of which I have read! You had, indeed, reason to leave me in Galway; but I will submit to it no longer. Mr Rainscourt, I insist upon an immediate separation.”
“Why should we quarrel, then, my dear, when we are both of one mind? Now do me the favour to sit down, and talk the matter over quietly. What is it that you require?”
“First, then, Mr Rainscourt, an acknowledgment on your part, that I am a most injured, and most ill-treated woman.”
“Granted, my dear, if that will add to your happiness; I certainly have never known your value.”
“Don’t sneer, sir, if you please. Secondly, a handsome allowance, commensurate with your fortune.”
“Granted, with pleasure, Mrs Rainscourt.”
“Thirdly, Mr Rainscourt, an extra allowance for the education and expenses of my daughter, who will remain under my care.”