“Allah be praised!” rejoined the pacha. “Mustapha, let Menouni know what it is to tell a story to a pacha, even though it is rather a long one, and I thought the princess would never have been married.” And the pacha rose and waddled to his harem.
Volume Two--Chapter Eight.
On the ensuing day, the pacha was sitting at his divan, according to his custom, Mustapha by his side, lending his ear to the whispers of divers people who came to him in an attitude of profound respect. Still they were most graciously received, as the purport of their intrusion was to induce the vizier to interest himself in their behalves when their cause came forward to be heard and decided upon by the pacha, who in all cases was guided by the whispered opinion of Mustapha. Mustapha was a good-hearted man: he was always grateful, and if any one did him a good turn he never forgot it. The consequence was, that an intimation that a purse of so many sequins would be laid at his feet if the cause to be heard was decided in favour of the applicant, invariably interested Mustapha in the favour of that party; and Mustapha’s opinion was always coincided in by the pacha, because he had (or supposed that he had) half of the sequins so obtained. True, the proverb says, “you should be just before you are generous;” but Mustapha’s arguments when he first proposed to the pacha this method of filling the royal treasury, were so excellent, that we shall hand them down to posterity. “In the first place,” said Mustapha, “it is evident that in all these causes the plaintiffs and defendants are both rascals. In the second place, it is impossible to believe a word on either side. In the third place, exercising the best of your judgment, you are just as likely to go wrong as right. In the fourth place, if a man happens to be wronged by our decision, he deserves it as a punishment for his other misdeeds. In the fifth place, as the only respectability existing in either party consists in their worldly wealth, by deciding for him who gives most, you decide for the most respectable man. In the sixth place, it is our duty to be grateful for good done to us, and in so deciding, we exercise a virtue strongly inculcated by the Koran. In the seventh place, we benefit both parties by deciding quickly, as a loss is better than a law-suit. And in the eighth and last place, we want money.”
On this day a cause was being heard; and, although weighty reasons had already decided the verdict, still, pro formâ, the witnesses on both sides were examined; one of these, upon being asked whether he witnessed the proceedings, replied, “That he had no doubt, but there was doubt on the subject; but that he doubted whether the doubts were correct.”
“Doubt—no doubt—what is all this? do you laugh at our beards?” said Mustapha sternly, who always made a show of justice. “Is it the fact or not?”
“Your highness, I seldom met a fact, as it is called, without having half a dozen doubts hanging to it,” replied the man: “I will not, therefore, make any assertion without the reservation of a doubt.”
“Answer me plainly,” replied the vizier, “or the ferashes and bamboo will be busy with you very shortly. Did you see the money paid?”
“I believe as much as I can believe any thing in this world, that I did see money paid; but I doubt the sum, and I doubt the metal, and I have also my other doubts. May it please your highness, I am an unfortunate man, I have been under the influence of doubts from my birth; and it has become a disease which I have no doubt will only end with my existence. I always doubt a fact, unless—”