Pride, the justness of my cause, the unbounded confidence I had in my own resolution, and the labours of an inventive head and iron body—these only could have preserved my life. These bodily labours, these continued inventions, and projected plans to obtain my freedom, preserved my health. Who would suppose that a man fettered as I was could find means of exercising himself? By swinging my arms, acting with the upper part of my body, and leaping upwards, I frequently put myself in a strong perspiration. After thus wearying myself I slept soundly, and often thought how many generals, obliged to support the inclemencies of weather, and all the dangers of the field—how many of those who had plunged me into this den of misery, would have been most glad could they, like me, have slept with a quiet conscience. Often did I reflect how much happier I was than those tortured on the bed of sickness by gout, stone, and other terrible diseases. How much happier was I in innocence than the malefactor doomed to suffer the pangs of death, the ignominy of men, and the horrors of internal guilt!
CHAPTER II.
In the following part of my history it will appear I often had much money concealed under the ground and in the walls of my den, yet would I have given a hundred ducats for a morsel of bread, it could not have been procured. Money was to me useless. In this I resembled the miser, who hoards, yet hives in wretchedness, having no joy in gentle acts of benevolence. As proudly might I delight myself with my hidden treasure as such misers; nay, more, for I was secure from robbers.
Had fastidious pomp been my pleasure, I might have imagined myself some old field-marshal bedridden, who hears two grenadier sentinels at his door call, “Who goes there?” My honour, indeed, was still greater; for, during my last year’s imprisonment, my door was guarded by no less than four. My vanity also might have been flattered: I might hence conclude how high was the value set upon my head, since all this trouble was taken to hold me in security. Certain it is that in my chains I thought more rationally, more nobly, reasoned more philosophically on man, his nature, his zeal, his imaginary wants, the effects of his ambition, his passions, and saw more distinctly his dream of earthly good, than those who had imprisoned, or those who guarded me. I was void of the fears that haunt the parasite who servilely wears the fetters of a court, and daily trembles for the loss of what vice and cunning have acquired. Those who had usurped the Sclavonian estates, and feasted sumptuously from the service of plate I had been robbed of, never ate their dainties with so sweet an appetite as I my ammunition bread, nor did their high-flavoured wines flow so limpid as my cold water.
Thus, the man who thinks, being pure of heart, will find consolation when under the most dreadful calamities, convinced, as he must be, that those apparently most are frequently least happy, insensible as they are of the pleasures they might enjoy. Evil is never so great as it appears.
“Sweet are the uses of adversity,
Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head.”As you Like it.
Happy he who, like me, having suffered, can become an example to his suffering brethren!
Youth, prosperous, and imagining eternal prosperity, read my history attentively, though I should be in my grave! Read feelingly, and bless my sleeping dust, if it has taught thee wisdom or fortitude!
Father, reading this, say to thy children, I felt thus like them, in blooming youth, little prophesied of misfortune, which after fell so heavy on me, and by which I am even still persecuted! Say that I had virtue, ambition, was educated in noble principles; that I laboured with all the zeal of enthusiastic youth to become wiser, better, greater than other men; that I was guilty of no crimes, was the friend of men, was no deceiver of man or woman; that I first served my own country faithfully, and after, every other in which I found bread; that I was never, during life, once intoxicated; was no gamester, no night rambler, no contemptible idler; that yet, through envy and arbitrary power, I have fallen to misery such as none but the worst of criminals ought to feel.
Brother, fly those countries where the lawgiver himself knows no law, where truth and virtue are punished as crimes; and, if fly you cannot, be it your endeavour to remain unknown, unnoticed; in such countries, seek not favour or honourable employ, else will you become, when your merits are known, as I have been, the victim of slander and treachery: the behests of power will persecute you, and innocence will not shield you from the shafts of wicked men who are envious, or who wish to obtain the favour of princes, though by the worst of means.