The Grotesque Figure of the King’s Lieutenant, and the queer Dress of the Lady la Borde, were an inexhaustible Fund of Mirth for the Queen’s Houshold. In short, ’twas impossible for a Person of the most serious Gravity, not to laugh on the one hand at the old shock Pate of the Lieutenant, who was vulgarly call’d The Eternal Father, and on the other hand to see Dame la Borde, who was commonly wrapp’d up in Three or Four Night-Gowns of different Colours one over another, and one shorter than the other, whose favourite Head-Geer was Cornets fix’d on, with a careless Air, by Scarlet Ribbons, and who had a monstrous Nosegay of Flowers ty’d to one Side of her, with a Straw-colour’d Ribbon, and the Picture of some unknown Saint fasten’d also to the other, by a Ribbon of the same Colour: And to all these Gowns, a little Lackey, every whit as ridiculous as the Mistress, was the Train-Bearer. I profess to you, Madame, that I could not contain myself at the Sight of such ridiculous Figures; and therefore, being once with some Company at Supper, when I was in a gay Humour, I let fall some very severe Banters upon this charming Couple; of which the King’s Lieutenant being inform’d, vow’d Revenge; and I was advertis’d by a German Cordelier, who was the Queen’s Confessor, that there was a Design to apprehend me. But not being conscious of any Crime I had committed to deserve it, I thought, at first, ’twas only given out to terrify me. Nevertheless, I went to Dadoncourt, and, without mentioning any Name, acquainted him of the Warning that had been given to me. He swore by his Honour, and call’d to God to witness it, that he never had a Thought of arresting
me; and that I was free to go when and where I pleas’d. Upon this I went back to my Quarters, almost persuaded that I had been falsly alarm’d; but no sooner was I in my Chamber, but the Major of the Place enter’d, with a subaltern Officer and a couple of Soldiers, with their Bayonets at the End of their Musquets. He told me, that he was come in the King’s Name to arrest me, and that he had Orders to commit me to the Citadel, together with my Valet de Chambre. He also demanded all my Papers, and the Keys of my Coffers; and whatever he ask’d for I gave him. He left my Cloaths, &c. to the Care of my Landlord, charging him to be answerable for them; and then carry’d me to the Citadel, where I was put into one Room, and my Valet de Chambre into another; and a Centinel was clapp’d at my Door, who was order’d to let no Person whatsoever come to speak to me. Towards the Evening, when they brought me Supper, I desir’d Pen, Ink, and Paper, which was presently granted, and I wrote to the King’s Lieutenant, to be inform’d of the Reason why he had put me under an Arrest, and at the same Time to know whether I might be permitted to write into France to the Duke Regent and my Friends. He sent me Answer next Day, that the only Cause of my being a Prisoner was, that I had discover’d too much Friendship to the Count de S——: That I ought to remember what I said of the Count before his Face, in Presence of Witnesses, which had given him a Suspicion that I was but too deeply concern’d in the Conspiracy he had fomented against the Regent: That in Consequence, especially as he had not the Honour to know me, he should have thought it a Failure of his Duty, if he had
not secur’d my Person: That, for the rest, he would write to Court, and that, if it appear’d I was not guilty of any thing, I should soon be set at Liberty. He concluded his Letter with Assurances of his Friendship, and a Protestation that he would do what he could to serve me.
Since I knew not what I could do better, as my Circumstances then were, I was glad to depend upon the good Offices which the King’s Lieutenant proffer’d to do me; and in order to compose myself a little, I lay a Bed as long as ever ’twas possible; for the only Remedy that could render my Imprisonment tolerable was Sleep: But when I awak’d, a thousand different Thoughts rack’d my Brain: Projects brooded over Projects, and I imagin’d Schemes without Number for Deliverance out of my Scrape; but they were no other than so many Castles in the Air, which instantly vanish’d as soon as I came to serious Reflection.
Having pass’d my Time thus for several Days, I receiv’d a Visit, which at first did not please me. Who should enter my Room, but an Officer, a Serjeant, and Four Soldiers, with their Bayonets in their Musquets. The Officer told me I must go with him to the Major of the Citadel, who was appointed to examine me. Being in a Situation wherein ’twas my wisest way to be tractable, I follow’d the Officer. When we came before the Major, we found him sitting in an Elbow-Chair: He was wonderful civil to me, and desir’d me to excuse him for not rising up to receive me, because he was so afflicted with the Gout that he could not stir. Then he pray’d me to sit down, and ask’d me who and what I was, whence and whither I was bound, and the like: To all those Questions I return’d very
Laconic Answers, which, together with the Questions, were reduc’d to Writing, and I was made to sign them; and then I was carry’d back to my Chamber.
Two Days after this my Valet de Chambre was set at Liberty, and had Leave to attend me. I was also permitted to receive a Visit from one Father Thomas, a German Capuchin. These two Favours, granted both at once, pleas’d me mightily; and I entertain’d great Hopes that my own Liberty was approaching: So that every time I heard the Rattle of the Keys, I imagin’d my Keeper was coming to tell me that I was no longer his Prisoner. I flatter’d myself that the Duke Regent would give Orders for my Discharge, and therefore was impatient to hear from him: But when I heard, the Message was very different from what I expected: For Dadoncourt sent me a Note, acquainting me, that he had receiv’d Orders from Court to confine me more closely. He not only executed his Orders, but I really believe he exceeded them; for, not content with depriving me a second Time of my Valet de Chambre, and forbidding Father Thomas to come near me, ’twas no Thanks to him that I had not been starv’d to Death with Hunger and Cold. He was afraid that my bare Imprisonment was not Punishment enough, and therefore he treated me with all the Severity that could be. My Commons were retrench’d one half; and as to Firing, it was intirely suppress’d, for fear I should set Fire to the Citadel. I therefore wrote to him, and made an Offer to purchase it at my own Expence, if he would give me Leave: But he made me Answer, that a Prussian could not be so chilly as to be sensible of the Cold in Guyenne; and he was so impertinent
as to add, that if I was really cold, he would have me keep my Bed. Nor was this all: Money was so scarce with me, that I was resolv’d to discount the Bank Bills I had left, which were almost sunk to nothing. But Dadoncourt no sooner heard of it, than he sent the Banker an Order not to discount them, for fear, perhaps, that I should make use of the Money to corrupt my Keepers. Moreover, he abus’d his Authority to such a Degree, that he caus’d my Cloaths &c. to be sold, to pay for what I had run up at my Quarters while I stay’d at Bayonne. I would fain have prevented this Sale, but ’twas to no Purpose, for I could not get Leave so much as to send a Friend thither to take Care that every thing was done with tolerable Decency; so that Dadoncourt’s Valet de Chambre bought the whole for one Eighth Part of the Value; and I could never get a just Account what the Profit of the Sale amounted to. ’Tis true, that when I was restor’d to my Liberty, they did not demand any Money of me.
So many Injuries offer’d to me, one upon the Neck of another, exasperated me not a little. I wrote several Letters not only to the Duke of Orleans, but M. le Blanc, Secretary of War, and sent them to the Post-House at Acqs by a Soldier, who undertook to deliver them for some Money, which I handed to him, together with my Letters, thro’ a Chink of my Door: But it all signify’d nothing. I likewise wrote a Letter to the Queen of Spain, but that Princess, who then deem’d me a State Criminal, did not care to be concern’d for me: Which Denial of her’s completed my Despair, and I took it so much to Heart, that I fell sick, but they would not allow me a Physician.