“Very conventional,� she said, “especially in his taste in hats.�
“That was the exception, I’m afraid,� he said earnestly. “You’d find those things very rare and most things very dull. I can’t help having fallen in love with you; but for all that we are in different worlds; and you belong to a younger world, which says what it thinks, and cannot see what most of our silences and our scruples meant.�
“I suppose we are very rude,� she said thoughtfully, “and you must certainly excuse me if I do say what I think.�
“I deserve no better,� he replied mournfully.
“Well, I think I must be in love with you too,� she replied calmly. “I don’t see what time has to do with being fond of people. You are the most original person I ever knew.�
“My dear, my dear,� he protested almost brokenly, “I fear you are making a mistake. Whatever else I am, I never set up to be original.�
“You must remember,� she replied, “that I have known a good many people who did set up to be original. An Art School swarms with them; and there are any number among those socialist and vegetarian friends of mine you were talking about. They would think nothing of wearing cabbages on their heads, of course. Any one of them would be capable of getting inside a pumpkin if he could. Any one of them might appear in public dressed entirely in watercress. But that’s just it. They might well wear watercress for they are water-creatures; they go with the stream. They do those things because those things are done; because they are done in their own Bohemian set. Unconventionality is their convention. I don’t mind it myself; I think it’s great fun; but that doesn’t mean that I don’t know real strength or independence when I see it. All that is just molten and formless; but the really strong man is one who can make a mould and then break it. When a man like you can suddenly do a thing like that, after twenty years of habit, for the sake of his word, then somehow one really does feel that man is man and master of his fate.�
“I doubt if I am master of my fate,� replied Crane, “and I do not know whether I ceased to be yesterday or two minutes ago.�
He stood there for a moment like a man in heavy armour. Indeed, the antiquated image is not inappropriate in more ways than one. The new world within him was so alien from the whole habit in which he lived, from the very gait and gestures of his daily life, conducted through countless days, that his spirit had striven before it broke its shell. But it was also true that even if he could have done what every man wishes to do at such a moment, something supreme and satisfying, it would have been something in a sense formal or it would not have satisfied him. He was one of those to whom it is natural to be ceremonial. Even the music in his mind, too deep and distant for him to catch or echo, was the music of old and ritual dances and not of revelry; and it was not for nothing that he had built gradually about him that garden of the grey stone fountain and the great hedge of yew. He bent suddenly and kissed her hand.
“I like that,� she said. “You ought to have powdered hair and a sword.�