But then spoke self, and he reflected,--
"Am not I innocent, too?--as innocent as he is? Did I ever harm the man? Did I provoke the savage? Did I not slay him in pure self-defence? And shall I lay down the life I then justly protected at the cost of that of another human being, because a race of fierce Indians, unreasoning, blood-thirsty savages, choose to offer a cruel sacrifice to their God of revenge, and have found a victim?
"Still," he continued, taking the other side, "it is for my act the sacrifice is offered, and, if there must be a sacrifice, ought not the victim to be myself? Besides, were it that any worthless life was in jeopardy--were it that of some desperate rover--some criminal--some man without ties, or friendships, or affections--one might leave him to his fate, perhaps, without remorse. But this poor lad, how many hopes are centred in him? what will not his family lose--what will not the world? And I--what am I, that my life should be weighed against his? Is he not my friend, too, and the son of my friend--one who has always overflowed with kindness and regard towards me?"
His resolution was almost taken; but then the cunning pleader, vanquished in direct argument, suggested a self-deceit.
"It is strange," he thought, "that these Indians, and especially their chief, should fix upon one with whom they have ever been so friendly--should choose a youth whom they have looked upon as a brother, when they might surely have found some other victim. Can this be a piece of their savage cunning? They know how well I love the lad, and how much friendship has been shown me by his father. Can they have taken him only as a bait to their trap, without any real intention of sacrificing him, and only in the hope of luring me into their power?"
At first sight the supposition seemed reasonable; and he was inclined to congratulate himself that he had not precipitately fallen into the snare.
"How they would have yelled with triumph," he thought "when they found me bringing my head to the hatchet!"
But speedily his knowledge of the Indian character and habits undeceived him. He knew that in such cases they always made sure of some victim, and that the more near and dear he was to the offender, the better for their purpose--the offender himself first--a relation next--a friend next; and he cast the self-fraud away from him.
But the love of life had not yet done, though obliged to take another course, and suggest modifications. Was there no middle course to be taken? Was it absolutely necessary that he should sacrifice his own life to save that of Walter Prevost? Could not the object be effected without his giving himself up to the savages? Might not some one else fall into their hands? Might not the lad be rescued by some daring effort? This was the most plausible suggestion of all; but it was the one that troubled him most. He had detected so many attempts in his own heart to cheat himself, that he suspected he might be deceiving himself still; and his mind got puzzled and confused with doubts.
He went to the bed, and lay down in his clothes; but he could not sleep without taking some resolution; and, rising again, he pressed his hands upon his aching temples, and determined to cast away self from the question altogether--to look upon it as if it affected some other person than Walter Prevost, and to judge accordingly.