She wept bitterly, and I felt that those tears were a sufficient reply; I was gaining more firmness myself, also, from the very arguments I used; and I went on.--"No, no, dear Laura, we must both try to do our duty: I love you beyond everything on earth; and it would nearly destroy me to see you the wife of another: but yet let us make up our minds to that which cannot be avoided. We can never forget, we can never wholly cease to love each other; but we must make an effort to conquer our love, at least so far as to render it no longer dangerous or wrong: we must try to rule it by reason and by resolution, and to reduce it, if possible, to that affection which brother and sister may feel towards each other."
"Then you must help me--then you must guide me, De Juvigny," she replied; "you must teach me that which is right to do; for I feel, indeed I feel that I am incapable of guiding myself."
"It is a terrible task, Laura--it is a terrible task," I replied--"for a heart that loves like mine, to teach you how our love is to be conquered; and yet the very responsibility will, I trust, enable me to execute it well: but, hark! I hear a step," and I started up.
"It is only Lise," she replied: "I sent her back for a book; but she knows all about it. She first told me I loved you months ago."
I wished no confidantes to a passion so hopeless as ours; but ere I could think, Lise was too near us to avoid her, and Laura's eyes told too distinctly a part of our story, to leave her ignorant of the remainder. She was a good and affectionate, but somewhat romantic creature; and though the suivante would have been the last to counsel her mistress to anything that she believed to be wrong, yet she had too much knowledge of the human heart to believe that a deep-rooted passion could ever be eradicated by the means that we proposed to employ; and her notions of what would be proper under such cases were likewise very different from ours. As soon as, by one means or another, she had made herself mistress of all that had passed, and had heard our difficulties and our resolutions, she shook her head, exclaiming,--"That will never do! No, no, Monsieur de Juvigny, there is only one way for it. Such love as yours and Mademoiselle's is not to be conquered as you think, and it must have its way, or worse will come of it. I have been thinking ever since you were here last, of what would be best to do, for I very well saw the whole business then, and quite understood that Monsieur the Duc would never consent. However, I have a scheme for you; you must marry privately: I know a good priest at Rennes who will undertake to perform the ceremony; and then, when it is found out, which it certainly will be in time, Monsieur de Villardin will be very angry at first, of course; but then he will soon forgive you, and it will be all settled."
Laura was silent; and as her hand rested on my arm, I could feel it tremble violently. For my part, I own that--though poor Lise meant no harm--yet, had she been the very fiend himself, she could not have tempted me more dreadfully. Honour, however, overcame; and after a long, painful pause, I answered,--"No, no, Lise! Monsieur de Villardin is my friend, my benefactor, my more than father, and I cannot betray his trust."
"But is not Mademoiselle, here, your friend, your love, and your more than sister?" answered Lise, laughing; "and will you make her unhappy for ever? But never mind; I knew that you would talk a great deal of that kind of nonsense whenever I came to propose it; but you'll see you will both be of my opinion before a fortnight be over, and then it will be,--'Pray, good Lise, seek the priest;' and as I am the best creature in the world, I will seek the priest. So when you have made up your minds to do the only thing that can save you both from a great deal of unhappiness, let me know, and I will arrange all the rest."
Thus saying, she turned away and walked a short distance towards the château, in order to leave Laura and myself time to speak together alone. As soon as she was gone, the dear girl raised her eyes to mine, and said,--"We must not do it, De Juvigny--we must not do it! It would be very happy, doubtless, to know that nothing could ever separate us, but it would be at the expense of your honour and my duty, and we must not do it. But, hark! there is the breakfast hour striking: we must go back separate; but you must, indeed you must tell me how I am to act, and what I am to do, to conquer all these feelings, and guard myself against wrong. We will walk out together to-morrow morning, as we used to do, and you shall give me my lesson."
But consciousness had, as usual, taken from me my bold firmness. I was not certain that any step that I was taking was right, and therefore I dreaded that any one should discover all that was passing between myself and Laura. "It will be better, dear Laura," I replied, "for us to meet in some part of the woods--at all events till we have fully determined the line of conduct we are to pursue. Let us have time to think and judge for ourselves before any one else perceives our feelings towards each other, and assumes the right of judging for us. Where shall I meet you to-morrow?"
"Since you have been away," she answered, "I have been much in the habit of coming out in the summer mornings to read under this tree. It is one of the finest round about, and if you remark, there is a little kind of rise in the soft turf at its foot, which serves me for a seat."