Our whole conversations were devoted to forming determinations of future firmness and resolution, mingled, indeed, with many a tear and many a caress; but certainly--however weak was our conduct--however much we suffered ourselves to be deceived by our own wishes--our intentions at least were good throughout the whole.
Thus passed the time, as painfully as it could well be conceived, till, one morning, as we were returning towards the château, while Laura--as we were still at some distance from the house--was hanging upon my arm, the form of Father Ferdinand appeared at a little distance in the alley before us. He saw us, beyond doubt, for he paused, turned out of the way he was pursuing, and left us to proceed to the house without speaking to us. What might be the event I knew not, but I saw him no more till supper, at which everything passed tranquilly, and we separated for the night.
[CHAPTER XXXV.]
I was sitting musing in my room, about an hour after supper, when the door opened, and Father Ferdinand appeared. He was evidently a good deal agitated, and seemed scarcely able to speak to me.
"My son," he said, taking both my hands, and gazing anxiously in my face,--"my son, I am afraid you have done wrong."
I understood him at once, and replied, "No, father, I have not; unless to struggle against every feeling of my heart, which prompted me to ingratitude and deceit,--unless, I say, to struggle against such feelings be evil,--I have not done wrong."
He raised his right hand, while he still held mine in his left, saying, solemnly,--"Thank God for that. I at least have acted wrong," he added: "I once gave you hope without clearly knowing whither that hope might lead you. I now know all; and, I tell you, you must despair."
"Father," I replied, "I have never entertained a hope. I knew that you were unacquainted with my situation, and the dreams you raised lasted but half an hour."
"Forgive me for having raised them at all," he said; "and now, mark me; you must speak with Monsieur de Villardin----Nay, indeed you must: he already expects you. Give me but five minutes to speak with him more at length, and then follow me to the library."
I would fain have asked more: I would fain have discovered what, or rather how much, Monsieur de Villardin knew; but there were so many contending emotions in my bosom that I was afraid my voice would be choked ere I could put my questions, and I merely replied, "I will."