"No, no, my lord," I replied, "it cannot be. Lord Masterton, happy in his wife and his family, shall not be disturbed by any sorrows of mine; and, however selfish it may appear, I must confess that the sight of his domestic tranquillity would but render more painful the consciousness that such a state can never be mine. There is nothing fit for my present frame of mind but solitude. I doubt not that thought and reflection, before I am called upon to resume my duties in the service, will enable me so far to conquer my regrets and disappointment as to permit of my mingling in society, without much pain to myself or any annoyance to others. In the meantime, however, if your lordship will permit me, I will retire either to Juvigny or to Dumont, and spend a month or two there in perfect privacy. My little page Clement will furnish me with society and entertainment enough; and when, in the course of time," I added, struggling for as much firmness as I could command,--"and when, in the course of time, the last irremediable seal is put to the destiny of Mademoiselle de Villardin and myself, as your lordship will probably be left alone from time to time, I shall hope to enjoy your society, when it can be no longer dangerous to myself, or inconsistent with your other arrangements."
Without making any reply, Monsieur de Villardin took two or three turns up and down the library, and then, sitting down again, he said,--"It is better, De Juvigny, to tell you my determination at once. As my word must be fulfilled, and as I see no object whatever to be gained by delay, I have resolved that Laura shall give her hand to the Count de Laval as soon as it be possible to complete the necessary arrangements."
This was certainly a new pang, but I had already borne so much that night, that the very habit of suffering enabled me still to endure. I did think that Monsieur de Villardin was wrong; I did think that it was even cruel to afford his daughter no time for thought or consideration, no time to compose her feelings, no time to prepare for the future or to forget the past. Of course, however, it was not for me even to suggest an objection, and I merely bowed my head, while Monsieur de Villardin went on. "As soon as the ceremony is over, I will write to you and let you know," he said; "and I hope that, from that moment, you will be able to come to me, and supply the place of the child from whom I am about to part. In the meantime, you must not certainly set off till I have seen you to-morrow; and, let me beg you, my dear Juvigny," he added, grasping my hand, "let me beg of you to strive for as much firmness as possible. Remember that, though my honour is dearer to me than life itself, yet that I love you better than any other thing, and that to make you happy, I would sacrifice everything--but my honour."
"I will do my best, my lord," I replied, "both to be and to appear firm; and, whatever I now suffer--whatever I may hereafter have to undergo, your kindness and generosity towards me, in these, as in all other circumstances, will be the chief consolation, and the brightest remembrance that I have left."
Thus saying, I rose and turned towards the door; but ere I reached it, the remembrance that Laura knew nothing of what had taken place during that evening, and would expect me at our usual place of meeting, flashed across my mind, and somewhat embarrassed me. However, I could not entertain the thought for a moment, of showing the slightest ingratitude or want of confidence to one who had just treated me with so much kindness and feeling; and, turning at the door, I again approached Monsieur de Villardin, saying,--"You desire me, my lord, not to set out to-morrow ere I have seen you. Will you give me your own directions as to how I am to behave towards Mademoiselle de Villardin?"
"I have the most perfect confidence in you, De Juvigny," he replied, "and can have no objection to your having one more interview with her, though of course that must be the last. See her--speak with her--endeavour to console her--use what arguments you may think meet. I rely entirely upon your honour to do all that you can to make her yield a willing consent to that arrangement for which her father has plighted his word. You will doubtless find ready means to see her. In these respects I ask no questions in regard to the past; and for the future I trust entirely, as I have said, to your own honour."
We now separated; and, returning to my own apartments, I busied myself with thoughts too wild and confused to be remembered or transcribed. I had long seen and had long known, indeed, that such must be the result of my love for Laura de Villardin. I had long seen that fate could have nothing else in store for me; but yet I do not think that, even if I had been taken totally unprepared, I could have felt more bitterly--more terribly--the agony of sudden disappointment, than I now felt the severing of the last tie between love and hope. If there was anything in the whole which might have proved soothing,--if there was anything on which my mind might have rested with pleasure, it was on the noble confidence which Monsieur de Villardin had shown towards me; but even that was not without a pang, and the sting which it inflicted was bitterer than all: for I saw from his conduct now, that had I, when first I discovered the passion that I entertained for his daughter, made him acquainted with it at once--had I, when we were journeying on together towards Paris, poured out my whole feelings into his bosom, and confided in him, as perhaps I ought to have done, Laura might still have been mine, and a brighter destiny than ever hope had pictured would have crowned the end of my career. Thus then the bitterest regret was added to the most acute disappointment. The cup of happiness had been nearly at my lips; but, not knowing what it contained, I had passed it by, and I felt too surely that it would never come within my reach again.
I knew that such regrets were useless; I knew that nothing remained for me but to endure; I strove even to acquire strength from despair; but it was all in vain. Regret, disappointment, agony, mingled with every thought, and every memory, and every expectation; and for an hour, I strode up and down in a state of mind that I shall not attempt any farther to depict. At the end of that time, there was a light tap at my door, and the next moment, Laura's maid, Lise, entered the room. My agitation was sufficiently apparent, and would probably have betrayed what had occurred, even had not the soubrette been partially aware before that some sort of a discovery had taken place.
"Ah! Monsieur le Baron," she said, as soon as she saw me, "I see how it is all going. I have been watching all the evening, and have learned enough from the going to and fro, to perceive that monseigneur has discovered it all, and that unless you will follow my advice, you and Mademoiselle will be unhappy for ever."
"And, pray, what is your advice, my good Lise?" I demanded; "the Duke has indeed discovered all, but that makes very little difference in regard to our situation. But say, what is your advice?"