"My heart is better than you think it, young gentleman," she answered, somewhat bitterly; "but I forgive your doubts, for my conduct was evil enough when you knew me, and I fear is not over good even now. However, my motives for desiring you to bear this confession to Monsieur de Villardin, and for not trusting it to a common letter, are easily explained. You can choose the moment and the manner of making the communication, and I do not seek to pain, any more than necessary, one I have already pained too much. In the next place, my letter might never reach him; for though I seem to command all here, in some things I am watched as closely as a prisoner. The letter, too, might, and probably would, fall into the hands of one, who would inflict upon me a bitter enough punishment for the crime of having written it--and therefore it is that I choose this means rather than another. As to why I make the confession at all, if you still need other motives, I can give you many; but you are too fatigued to hear them."
I assured her that such was not the case, and begged her, if she were really sincere, to assign the true causes for her conduct, in which case I promised to do exactly as she would have me.
"Well, then," she said, "you must hear out my story, and it shall not be a long one. When I was dismissed from Dumont in disgrace, I retired to the little neighbouring town of St. Etienne, whence I wrote immediately to Gaspard de Belleville, who came to see me that night, and desired me to remain tranquilly where I was, as, beyond doubt, Monsieur de Villardin would soon obtain for him a commission, which he had long been of an age to hold. From him I learned that the information which had first caused my disgrace with my mistress, and had afterwards ruined me with the Duke, had not been given by you, as we had suspected, but by Jerome, the old major-domo. I found, however, that Gaspard had luckily escaped his lord's indignation; and, as a consequence of all this, I remained at St. Etienne in some degree of concealment, it is true, but in great tranquillity regarding the result, as I saw that no separation was likely to take place between myself and Gaspard, which could diminish his passion, or thwart my schemes respecting him. Suddenly, however, about four days after my dismissal, Gaspard himself appeared on horseback, and in a hurried manner informed me that he was about to set off instantly for Bordeaux, bearing letters from Monsieur de Villardin to the Duc de Bouillon, in whose regiment he was immediately to have a commission. He offered, at the same time, to take me with him, if I would consent, and to endeavour to obtain his father's permission to marry me, after we had arrived at Guienne. Hitherto, I had always wisely avoided putting myself in any degree in his power, but now the fear of seeing all my plans overturned by his removal from my influence, joined to his entreaties and persuasions, induced me weakly to consent, and that very night we set out together for Bordeaux. Monsieur de Villardin had liberally supplied my lover with the money necessary both to perform the journey to Bordeaux, and to meet all the first expenses of two years' service in the regiment of Monsieur de Bouillon, without trusting at all to his pay. I myself also had accumulated no small sum during the five or six years I had remained with the Duchess; so that, on our arrival, we found ourselves enabled to live, not only in comfort, but in profusion. Splendour, dress, and admiration became my passion; but the arrival of Monsieur de Villardin and yourself, about a month afterwards, soon obliged me to seek retirement once more. Although I felt the necessity, for the sake of Gaspard's interests, of concealing my connexion with him from his former lord, yet my meeting with you in the streets of Bordeaux was not displeasing to me, as I felt a degree of amusement in fancying that I had dazzled you with the splendour of my appearance. As soon as the gates of the city were opened, after the conclusion of the siege, Gaspard, who was left behind by Monsieur de Bouillon, to make a great number of arrangements which the Duke himself had not time to complete, received intelligence of his father's death, and I instantly pressed him to perform his promise, and legitimate our union by marriage. Gaspard, however, by this time, had acquired new ideas from his commune with the world, and he evaded my request in such a manner as to leave very little doubt upon my mind in regard to his determination of breaking his promise. This opened my eyes to my weakness, and a fit of illness followed, which, though but of short duration, yet had the good effect of making me think very bitterly of many things that I had done. A good priest of the city took advantage of my state of mind to direct my repentance aright, and made me promise, ere he would grant me absolution, that on the very first opportunity I would clear the character of Madame de Villardin in the eyes of her husband. I forgot this promise, it is true, in after-events, but I remember it now, and seek to fulfil it. In the meantime, Gaspard became alarmed at my situation, and all his former tenderness returned; but still, I am sure that he would have evaded the fulfilment of his promise, had not a circumstance fortunately occurred to change my situation in regard to him.
"After your departure from Bordeaux it became no longer necessary for me to use any concealment, and my loup was very generally laid aside. Thus it happened that I was walking with Gaspard, without any covering to my face, one day shortly after my recovery, when to my surprise, upon the bank of the river I was suddenly met by my brother, whom I had not seen for several years, nor heard of at all since I returned to Brittany. I was recognised by him instantly, notwithstanding my fine apparel; though, to say the truth, the splendour of his own appearance had almost made me doubt his identity. He embraced me tenderly; and the questions he asked concerning myself and Madame de Villardin, as well as the brief account he gave of his late adventure at sea, and of his having been driven by stress of weather into the Gironde, where he had little expected to find me, soon disclosed our relationship to Gaspard, who had often heard me tell tales of my brother's fierceness and prowess, which did not render the rencontre very palatable to him. It was even, I confess, somewhat terrific to myself; and when my brother asked who that gentleman was on whose arm I was leaning, and boldly concluded that it was my husband, I thought I should have fainted. Our silence and our confusion soon made him aware of our relative situation; and, the moment that he became so, he touched the hilt of his sword slightly with the forefinger of his right hand, saying, in a tone that was not to be mistaken,' Be so good as to follow me, sir; that lady will be able to find her way home by herself; nor shall I have any difficulty in discovering her abode, after I have done with you.' Gaspard looked down and hesitated, although his honour as a soldier was concerned; and my brother was beginning to speak more loudly, and in a tone which might have called general attention upon us, when my lover replied, 'Have but a moment's patience, sir, and I think I can give you such an explanation of this business as will prove satisfactory to you.' He then bade me return home, whispering that no harm would happen, and left me, while he walked on with my brother towards the Chartreux.
"I returned immediately to our lodgings, where I remained in very great anxiety for nearly two hours; but, at the end of that time my lover and my brother returned, accompanied by a priest, who asked me a number of questions in regard to my own and Gaspard's freedom from all ties; and at length being satisfied, accompanied us to a neighbouring church, and pronounced the nuptial benediction.
"What might have been the consequences had we remained unmarried, I cannot tell; but, since the ceremony, a rapid, though gradual, decrease of all sorts of kindness has taken place on the part of my husband. Rude and brutal usage is now all that I receive from him; and, though Heaven knows he is in no degree jealous, yet I one day said a few words, which have made him, during the whole of the last campaign, drag me about with him from place to place; and never till the last affair at Virmont, has he suffered me to be out of his sight for a day together. The fact is, that, wearied with his ill usage, and seeing that patience and forbearance did nothing to remove it, I determined to try if I could not influence his fears, and took a solemn vow in his presence, that, if he did not change his conduct, I would reveal all I knew to Monsieur de Villardin, of whom he still stands in great dread. The threat had the effect for some time; but, not being able to conquer his morose and vindictive temper, he soon relapsed into greater unkindness than ever; and, to prevent me putting in execution what I menaced, he will not suffer any of the servants even to deliver to the couriers a letter, the contents of which he has not seen. Ever since he has kept me in his sight, treating me with cruelty and rudeness on all occasions; and even when, by order of the Prince de Condé, every sort of encumbrance was sent away from the army at Montargis and Château Renard, he gave me in charge to a party from his company, with strict orders not to suffer me to pause, or quit the direct road, till I reached this place, which is the dwelling he inherited from his father. He it was who prompted me first to retaliate upon others any pain that was inflicted upon myself; and, though I certainly should not accuse him, did not other motives combine to make me reveal all to Monsieur de Villardin, yet in doing so I but make him reap the fruits of that which he himself has taught.
"You have now three motives assigned you in explanation of my conduct:--in the first place, my promise to the priest at Bordeaux; in the next place, the sincere desire of clearing every shadow away from the character of a virtuous lady, whom I wronged and traduced; and, in the third place, my determination to punish a man who ill treats me, and whom," she added, with set teeth and a flashing eye, "and whom I hate from the bottom of my heart. I have another motive," she proceeded, after giving way to this burst of passion--"I have another motive, too, but it I will not tell to any one. This, however, I solemnly declare, as I hope for salvation, that very motive involves more than any other thing the desire of truly serving Monsieur de Villardin, and of doing that for which he himself hereafter may bless me. Now are you satisfied?"
"I am," I replied, "and will certainly undertake the task, if ever I recover; but, to put the matter beyond all doubt in the mind of Monsieur de Villardin, to-morrow you must give me a note to him, under your own hand, desiring him to believe fully all that I shall tell him in regard to your conduct towards Madame de Villardin."
"Not to-morrow!" she said, "not to-morrow! This very night, or it will be too late. I will write it in a moment:" and she left me abruptly to execute what she proposed.