- Faulty: In talking to Mr. Brown the other day, he told me that you intend to buy a car.
- Better: In talking to Mr. Brown the other day, I learned that you intend to buy a car.
- Faulty: The address was concluded by reciting a passage from Wordsworth.
- Better: The speaker concluded his address by reciting a passage from Wordsworth. [Or] The address was concluded by the recitation of a passage from Wordsworth.
[Note.]—Two other kinds of dangling modifier, treated elsewhere in this book, may be briefly mentioned here. A phrase beginning with the adjective due should refer to a noun; otherwise the phrase is left dangling (See [5 Note]). An elliptical sentence (one from which words are omitted) is faulty when one of the elements is left dangling (See [3]).
- Faulty: I was late due to carelessness [Use because of].
- Ludicrous: My shoestring always breaks when hurrying to the office at eight o'clock [Say when I am hurrying].
Exercise:
- Coming out of the house, a street car is seen.
- While engaged in conversation with my host and hostess, my maid placed upon the table a steaming leg of lamb.
- A small quantity of gold is thoroughly mixed with a few drops of turpentine, using the spatula to work it smooth.
- After being in the oven twenty minutes, open the door. When fully baked, you are ready to put the sauce on the pudding.
- Entering the store, a soda fountain is observed. Passing down the aisle, a candy counter comes into view. The rear of the store is bright and pleasant, caused by a skylight.
[COHERENCE]
The verb cohere means to stick or hold firmly together. And the noun coherence as applied to writing means a close and natural sequence of parts. Order is essential to clearness.
[General Incoherence]
24. Every part of a sentence must have a clear and natural connection with the adjoining part. Like or related parts should normally be placed together.
- Bring related ideas together: Little Helen stood beside the horse wearing white stockings and slippers.
- Right: Little Helen, in white stockings and slippers, stood beside the horse.
- Keep unlike ideas apart: The colors of purple and green are pleasing to the eye as found in the thistle.
- Right: The purple and green colors of the thistle are pleasing.
- Distribute unrelated modifiers, instead of bunching them: I found a heap of snow on my bed in the morning which had drifted in through the window. [Subject verb—object—place—time—explanation.]
- Right: In the morning I found on my bed a heap of snow which had drifted in through the window. [Time—subject verb—place—object—explanation.]
- Bring related modifiers together: When he has prepared his lessons, he will come, as soon as he can put on his old clothes. [Condition—main clause—condition.]
- Right: When he has prepared his lessons and put on his old clothes, he will come. [Condition and condition—main clause.]