- Preposition to be repeated: He was regarded as a hero by all who had known him at school, and especially his old school mates.
- Right: He was regarded as a hero by all who had known him at school, and especially by his old school mates.
- Sign of the infinitive to be repeated: He wishes to join with those who love freedom and justice, and end needless suffering.
- Right: He wishes to join with those who love freedom and justice, and to end needless suffering.
- Conjunction to be repeated: Since he was known to have succeeded in earlier enterprises, though confronted by difficulties that would have taxed the ability of older men, and his powers were now acknowledged to be mature, he was put in charge of the undertaking.
- Right: Since he was known to have succeeded in earlier enterprises, though confronted by difficulties that would have taxed the ability of older men, and since his powers were now acknowledged to be mature, he was put in charge of the undertaking.
- Conjunction to be repeated: He explained that the strikers asked only a fair hearing, since their contentions were misunderstood; were by no means in favor of the violent measures to which the public had grown accustomed; and had no desire to resort to bloodshed and the destruction of property.
- Right: He explained that the strikers asked only a fair hearing, since their contentions were misunderstood; that they were by no means in favor of the violent measures to which the public had grown accustomed; and that they had no desire to resort to bloodshed and the destruction of property.
Exercise:
- The place is often visited by fishermen who catch some strange varieties of fish and especially summer tourists.
- The worth of a man depends upon his character, not his possessions. 3. He was delighted with that part of the city which overlooked the harbor and bay, and especially the citadel on the highest point.
- Although he was so youthful in appearance that the recruiting officer must have known he was under twenty-one, and had not yet become a fully naturalized citizen, his effort to enlist met with immediate success.
- In the course of his speech he said that he was a foreigner, he came to this country when he was fourteen years old, landing in New York with his only possessions tied in a handkerchief, went to work in an iron foundry, and after many years of toil he found himself at the head of a great industry.
[Repetition of Connective with a Loss in Clearness]
38. Do not complicate thought by persistent repetition of elements beginning with that, which, of, for, or but, and NOT parallel in structure.
- Complicated repetition of that: He gave a quarter to the boy that brought the paper that printed the news that the war was ended. [That, which, and who are often used carelessly to form a chain of subordinate clauses. Three successive subordinations are all that a reader can possibly keep straight; ordinarily a writer should not exceed two. But in parallel structure (See [30] and [37]) the number of that, which, or who clauses does not matter; a writer may fill a page with them and not confuse the reader at all.]
- Right: He gave the boy a quarter for bringing him the paper with the news that the war was ended.
- Complicated repetition of of: The East Side Civics Club is an organization of helpers of the helpless of the lower classes of the city.
- Right: The East Side Civics Club is organized to help the helpless poor of the city.
- Complicated repetition of for: The general was dismayed, for he had not expected resistance, for he had thought the power of the enemy was shattered.
- Right: The general was dismayed; he had not expected resistance, for he had thought the power of the enemy was shattered.
- Complicated repetition of but: He was undoubtedly a brave man, but now he was somewhat alarmed, but he would not turn back.
- Right: He was undoubtedly a brave man; though now somewhat alarmed, he would not turn back. [Or] He was undoubtedly a brave man. He was now somewhat alarmed, but he would not turn back.
[Note.]—Guard against the but-habit. Frequent recurrence of but makes the reader's thought "tack" or change its course too often. There are ways to avoid an excessive use of but and however. When one wishes to write about two things, A and B, which are opposed, he need not rush back and forth from one idea to the other. Let him first say all he wants to say about A. Then let him deliberately use the adversative but, and proceed to the discussion of B. In the following paragraph on "Whipping Children" the writer tries to be on both sides of the fence at once.
- Confusing: It is easier to punish a child for a misdeed, than to explain and argue. But the gentler method is better. Yet we all admit that the birch must be used sometimes. However, if it is used only for serious transgressions, the child will have a sense of proportion regarding what offenses are grave. But for ordinary small misdemeanors I think we need a new motto: Spoil the rod and spare the child.
- Right: It is easier to punish a child for a misdeed than to explain and argue. And of course we all admit that the birch must be used sometimes. But if it is used only for serious transgressions, the child will have a sense of proportion regarding what offenses are grave. For ordinary small misdemeanors I think we need a new motto: Spoil the rod and spare the child.
Exercise:
- He did not agree at first, but hesitated for a time, but finally said that he would go along.
- Push down on the foot lever, which closes a switch which starts an electric motor which turns the flywheel so that the gasoline engine starts.
- Apple dumplings are good, but they must be properly baked, but fortunately this is not difficult to do.
- The work of the course consists partly of the study of the principles of grammar and of rhetoric, partly of the writing of themes, partly of oral composition, and partly of the reading and study of models of English prose.
- The landscape which lay before me was one which was different from any which I had ever seen before. There was one thing which impressed me, and that was the miles and miles of grass which stretched and undulated away from the hill on which I stood.