Walking away to a rose-bush, she plucked a bud and returned slowly, as if to hide some emotion. It was quite time to comfort her.
"Joy," I said, taking her hand and bringing her to the steps again, "I have been doing a good deal of thinking, and I have a theory that I'd like to prove. I'd rather not say anything about it till I'm sure of it, but when I am, I'll tell you. Have I your permission to use my own judgment, even to the point, perhaps, of eavesdropping?"
"Oh, is that necessary, do you think?" She clasped her hands nervously at the thought. "I don't know. It's all so mixed up in my mind. Who can settle the ethics of a case like this?"
"It may come to a fight between you and Edna, I think."
"Oh, that's what it has come to!" she exclaimed. "That's what is killing me. Who is Edna? Where did she come from? Where does she belong? I must be fair—I want to be just to her, however she treats me. If I could only see her or hear her—if we could only communicate in some way, there might be an agreement. But she's like a ghost—a character in a book. Is she a different person, or only some phase of myself? Dare I come into open conflict with her? Why, I may be only destroying myself! I have to be she, don't I? Shan't I have to bear whatever I do to her? How do I know what danger may lie in any action I may take?"
"Yes," I replied, "I've thought of all that. I'm convinced that, as the doctor says, it's only a case of 'waking you up.' It's as if you were a somnambulist—walking in your sleep—dreaming half the time, irresponsibly. To wake you up may be uncomfortable for her. It may be like a surgical operation that she has to suffer, but when it's over you'll regain your health and reason, and, by the same token, so will she, and you'll forget all the pain. However, it hasn't come to that yet. What I want, now, is the right to explore, investigate, examine, experiment, perhaps, and then, when I have decided for myself, we can decide what course to adopt. If you're the White Cat, I'm going to be the Prince, and save you!"
She took my hand and pressed it affectionately.
"I trust you, Chester, and I'll agree to anything you think best. I feel as if I were being drawn into a maelstrom. Oh, what wouldn't I give to be just a normal, natural person, like every one else! Why am I tormented so? Yes, you must help me, Prince!"
"Well, then, now we'll talk no more of it for a while. Let's forget it, and go and see the collies."
Her face cleared and she sprang up, tossed back her head with her characteristic gesture and went with me to the stable. The dogs were all out in the sun, and as soon as we appeared they surrounded us joyfully. Nokomis walked up to Joy in her stately way and offered a paw.