“It’s what it would be hardly worth mentioning to your honour,” he said.
“You’d better mention it all the same,” said Mr. Madden.
“What I was thinking,” said Joyce, “is that if I was to send a pair of ducks to the judge a couple of days before the case was to come on—fine ducks we have, as fine as ever was seen.”
“Listen to me,” said Mr. Madden. “You’ve got the very smallest possible chance of winning your case. But you have a chance. It’s a hundred to one against you. Still, odd things do happen in courts. But let me tell you this. I know that judge. I’ve known him for years, and if you try to bribe him with a pair of ducks he’d give it against you even if you had the best case in the world instead of the worst. That’s the kind of man he is.”
Joyce sighed heavily. The ways of the law were proving unexpectedly difficult and expensive.
“Maybe,” he said, “I could send him two pair of ducks, or two pair and a half, but that’s the most I can do; and there won’t be a young duck left about the place if I send him that many.”
“Either you act by my advice,” said Mr. Madden, “or I’ll drop your case. This isn’t a matter for the local bench of magistrates. If it was them you were dealing with, ducks might be some use to you. But a County Court Judge is a different kind of man altogether. He’s a gentleman, and he’s honest. If you attempt to get at him with ducks or any other kind of bribe you’ll ruin any chance you have, which isn’t much.”
“That’s a queer thing now, so it is,” said Joyce.
“It’s true all the same,” said Mr. Madden.
“Do you mean to tell me,” said Joyce, “that his honour, the judge, would go against a man that had done him a good turn in the way of a pair of ducks or the like?”