“I haven’t fought for years,” said Mr. Dick with spirit; “but I’m not going to be bullied by a damned Irish doctor. Come on.”
The speech was worthy of a man who had once at least felt the blood of the ancient Bersekers coursing through his veins. It was followed by prompt action. He took off his coat. Patsy Devlin spat on his hands and then rubbed them together.
“Mr. Dick,” said Dr. O’Grady, “I don’t want to have you smashed up, partly because from what you’ve told us about your wife I expect she’d be sorry, and partly because it’d be a nuisance to me to have to fit you together again. If you don’t sit down on that bed, I’ll ring the bell for the Emperor and get him to take away your clothes. You didn’t like going about in nothing but your shirt yesterday evening. Just recollect that, and be careful.”
Mr. Dick thought better of his resolution. It may have been the business-like way in which Patsy spat on his hands which daunted him, or it may have been Dr. O’Grady’s second and very horrible threat. He sat down sulkily beside Mr. Sanders.
“Now,” said Dr. O’Grady, “I’m going to speak plainly to you for your own good. You’ve behaved uncommonly badly since you came here. You’ve sulked and you’ve whimpered, and you’ve raved in such a way as to make Patsy Devlin and me quite uncomfortable. We made every excuse for you yesterday afternoon. We recognized that Mr. Dick couldn’t be expected to be cheerful when he hadn’t got any trousers. We knew that what had happened would upset Mr. Sanders’ heart and bring on palpitations. We did our best to make things easy for you. When the assistant anarchists brought up your beds, we made them for you, and allowed you to get into them, although it was barely five o’clock, and the habit of going to bed at that hour is most unsociable. Patsy brought your tea over to you later on before he drank a drop himself, to save you the trouble of getting out of bed. That was pure kindness of heart on Patsy’s part, and you didn’t so much as say ‘thank you.’”
“They did not,” said Patsy, who stood behind the bed with sleeves still rolled up; “and it will be long enough before I do the like again.”
“After tea,” said Dr. O’Grady, “I sent for the Emperor and persuaded him to let Mr. Dick have his clothes back. I needn’t have done that. It didn’t matter to me if he had to go about stark naked for the rest of his natural life. Did you show any gratitude this morning? Not a bit. You sulked and whimpered again in the most unbearable manner. We put up with it. We tried to cheer you. There was an egg short at breakfast. Who did without? Patsy again; although he deserved an egg a great deal more than either of you. When breakfast was over, I suggested that we should all join in the game of flipping pennies across the table. I didn’t do that because I wanted to play. As a matter of fact, I don’t usually play in the morning; I read. Patsy will bear me out in that. I was prepared to sacrifice my own time and inclination to amuse you. How did you receive the proposal? You sulked again.”
“I was brought up strictly,” said Mr. Sanders; “I belong to the Free Kirk, and my conscience will not allow me to gamble.”
“That,” said Dr. O’Grady, “is a paltry excuse, which you ought to be ashamed to make. No man could be brought up to think it wrong to flip pennies. Besides, what is it that’s wrong about gambling? It’s the excitement created by the element of risk associated with all gambling. Now, in this case, as you know perfectly well, there would have been no excitement, because there was no element of risk. The thing was a dead certainty. Patsy would have given you ten points in every game and beaten the head off you. If you had to make an excuse, why didn’t you trot out your weak heart again? That would have been more reasonable. When you wouldn’t play that, I proposed another game, called Moggy, at which you wouldn’t have had a chance of winning either. You refused it too. Then I said that if you liked we’d have a debate on Home Rule or Tariff Reform. I said that you two could choose your own side and that Patsy and I would take the other, whatever it was. I thought that would interest you. It would have bored both Patsy and me frightfully; but we were prepared to put up with that for your sakes.”
“How could you expect us to take an interest in Tariff Reform,” said Mr. Dick, “when our minds were full of——”