The Smuggler's Cave

by George A. Birmingham

Sir Evelyn was dimly aware of having heard the name before, but couldn't remember when or where.

"He asked me to mention that he is connected with the Board of Inland Revenue, sir."

"What on earth can he want with me? The entertainment tax is paid. At least I think we paid the entertainment tax. Mr. Linker undertook to look after that."

"The gentleman says his business is very urgent, sir."

"I suppose I'd better see him, though it's a nuisance. Show him in here."

Mr. East was shown in, a lean little man with a ragged brown beard. He introduced himself as a supervisor of Customs and Excise for the district. He was so nervous that his hands shook and his voice quavered.

"If there's been any misunderstanding about the entertainment tax," said Sir Evelyn, "I wish you'd see Mr. Linker about it. His shop is in High Street, and at this time of day you're sure to find him there."

Mr. East, fidgeting uncomfortably, said that the entertainment tax had been paid and that no question about it had been raised or was likely to be raised by the Inland Revenue authorities, "but——" he stuttered, and then hesitated.

The man's nervous fidgetiness exasperated Sir Evelyn, who could imagine no reason why he did not go straight to his business, whatever it was. Yet certain excuses might have been made for Mr. East. He was a minor officer in a branch of the Civil Service. Nurtured in the tradition of that great service he regarded the Parliamentary Heads of Departments as men who should be treated as the heathen, and some others, treat their gods, with reverential respect and humble worship; although—the example of the heathen and others may be cited again—their commands and expressed opinions may be and should be regarded as unimportant and generally foolish. Sir Evelyn was, or had been, such a god. Mr. East was an orthodox worshipper. It is natural for pious men to be nervous and fidgety in the presence of gods.

And Mr. East was a man who had achieved a certain amount of what is called education by means of County Council scholarships and had successfully passed the examination which admitted him to the Civil Service. He was therefore inclined to dislike and despise those for whom the winning of scholarships in early life had not been necessary and who, in spite of their expensive education could not at any time have passed a Civil Service examination. By temperament, position and achievement he was one of those Englishmen who have a thorough contempt for our aristocracy, the class to which Sir Evelyn unquestionably belonged. No one is more nervous than your thoroughgoing democrat who is determined not to be uncomfortable in the company of men like Sir Evelyn.