In the old days when Highlanders "kist oot" (quarrelled) they resorted to the claymore, but the hereditary fighting spirit appears nowadays in an appeal to the law. Perth Sheriff Courts witness many a "bout" between the stalwarts, who are not amiss to clash all round if need be. "You must have been in very questionable company at the show?" inquired a sheriff of a farmer. "Weel, ma lord—you wis the last gentleman I spoke to that day as I was coming oot!" was his reply.
The pointed insinuation to another witness in a claim case at the same Court. "I think I have seen you here rather often of late," drew the reply, "Nae doot, if a'm no takin' onybody here—then it's them that's takin' me!"
Quite recently an old farmer in Perthshire, who had been rather severely cross-examined by the opposing counsel, had his sweet revenge when the sheriff, commenting on the case, inquired: "There seems to be a great deal of dram-dramming at C—— on Tuesdays, I imagine?"—"Aye, whiles," was the canny reply—and immediately following it up, as he pointed across at the rival lawyer, he continued—"an' that nicker ower there can tak' a bit dram wi' the best o' them!"
A young advocate, as junior in a licensing club case, had to cross-examine the certifying Justice of the Peace who was very diffuse and rather evasive in his answers. "Speak a little more simply and to the point, please," said counsel mildly. "You are a little ambiguous, you know."—"I am not, sir," replied the witness indignantly; "I have been teetotal for a year."
It is a fact well known to lawyers that it is a risky thing to call witnesses to character unless you know exactly beforehand what they are going to say. Here is an instance in point. "You say you have known the prisoner all your life?" said the counsel. "Yes, sir," was the reply. "Now," was the next question, "in your opinion is he a man who is likely to have been guilty of stealing this money?"—"Well," said the witness thoughtfully, "how much was it?"
In a County Sheriff Court his lordship addressed a witness: "You said you drove a milk-cart, didn't you?" "No, sir, I didn't."—"Don't you drive a milk-cart?" "No, sir."—"Ah! then what do you do, sir?"—"I drive a horse."
A well-known lawyer not now in practice, who had risen from humble parentage to be Procurator Fiscal of his county, once got a sharp retort from a witness in Court. It was a case of law-burrows—well known in Scotland—which requires a person to give security against doing violence to another. A lady had assaulted a priest who in the discharge of his duty had been visiting her husband—a member of his flock. The lady was herself a Protestant, and suspected the reverend gentleman of designs on her husband's property for behoof of his Church. The witness in the box was prepared on every point, and the following dialogue ensued—P.F.: "Who was your father?" Lady: "My father was a gentleman." P.F.: "Yes, but who was he?" Lady: "He was a good man and much respected, although he didn't make such a noise in the world as yours." The P.F.'s father had been the town crier.
Perhaps it was to the same lawyer who asked the question of a labouring man: "Are you the husband of the previous witness?" and got the answer: "I dinna ken onything aboot the previous witness, but if it was Mrs. ——, a'm her man."
The macer who calls the cases coming before the judges in Court was in older days an interesting personality. Lord Cockburn recalls the time when this duty was performed by the "crier" putting his head out of a small window high up in the wall of the Parliament House and shouting down to the counsel and agents assembled below him. Now it is performed from a raised dais on the floor of the hall, and it is no joke when the macer has to call in stentorian tones such a case as "Dampskibsselskabet Danmary v. John Smith." Learned members of the Faculty approach such a difficulty otherwise. During "motions" one day an astute counsel said, "In number 11 of your lordship's roll." "What did you call it?" inquired the judge. "I called it number 11," naïvely replied counsel. The case was "Fiskiveidschlutafjelagid Island v. Standard Fishing Company."