"Don't remonstrate with your husband when he has been drinking. Wait until next morning. Then give him a cup of coffee for his headache. Afterwards lead him into the parlour, put your arms about him, and give him a lecture. It will have more weight with him than any number of quarrels.
"If he has to drink, let him have it at home.
"Avoid mothers-in-law. Don't let them live with you or interfere in your affairs.
"If you must have your own way, do not let your husband know you are trying to boss him. Have your own way by letting him think he is having his.
"Dress to suit your husband's taste and income. Husbands usually don't like their wives to wear tight dresses. Consult him on these matters.
"Don't be jealous or give your husband cause for jealousy.
"When your husband is in a bad humour, be in a good humour. It may be difficult, but it will pay."
The policeman-philosopher's precepts were duly printed, framed, and placed against the wall of the family sitting-room. After paying only fifteen of the thirty visits to the house directed by the judge, the results could not have been more gratifying. Mr. and Mrs. Quan were delighted, and presented the guide to martial bliss with a handsome token of their gratitude in the form of a gold watch.
Many of the droll sayings of the American Bench of past years are attributable to the fact that the judges were appointed by popular vote, and the successful candidate was not always a man of high attainments in the practice of his profession at the Bar, or of profound learning in the laws of his country. Too often he was a man of no better education than the mass of litigants upon whose causes he was called to adjudicate. For instance, a Kentuckian judge cut short a tedious and long-winded counsel by suddenly breaking into his speech with: "If the Court is right, and she thinks she air, why, then, you are wrong, and you knows you is. Shut up!"