Therefore his Voice sounded to him a good deal like the Boston Symphony
Orchestra playing Rubinstein's Melody in F.
Whenever People sat down in front of the decorative Canape Caviar and got ready to endure the Horrors of another Hotel Gorge, they would glance across the Snowy Expanse of White, dotted with plump California Olives and cold, unfeeling Celery, and seeing Herman seated opposite, would remark, "Stung!"
He could not have been kept in his Chair with a Ton of Coal in each
Tail-Pocket.
And if The Ladies were present, that was when he worked in the Bird-
Calls and ordered out the Twinkling Stars.
According to the Expectation Tables of the Insurance Actuaries, probably he will Stick Around for 32 years more and never find out that he is a Pest.
MORAL: Those who bemoan the Decline of Oratory should remember that
Oratory never was known to Decline.
THE GALUMPTIOUS GIRL
Once there was a kittenish Senorita condemned to dwell in a Piccolo
Town out on a Spur Division of the Dinkusville Short Line.
It was one of those not-dead-but-sleeping Settlements with a Sheet-Iron Cornice on every Store Building and the Hack in which Gen. Sherman once rode still meeting the Trains.
All the older Residents were sitting back on their Surplus trying to hatch out 7 per cent. Any one suggesting a Public Improvement was led into Court House Square and publicly Beheaded.