George Selwyn: His Letters and His Life

by George Augustus Selwyn

I have then only answered, "My Lord, my wishes are that he may not, and it is most probable that he will not desire it; but you are quite mistaken if you suppose that in these arrangements I have any anxiety or curiosity about him." All that is an object of my love and esteem is quite independent of other people's resolutions; and as for what regards myself, I am not indifferent, I own, and I shall wish to know how I may be treated by those to whose power I am delivered up, but I have never asked one question concerning it. I shall provoke no man's anger unnecessarily; it is my only solicitude to let people see that if they oblige me by good treatment, they oblige one whom they do not despise, and who has acted 'in all circumstances like a gentleman.

I have, I find, from what I have been told by the Party, the credit of having behaved better and calmer on this occasion than many of my fellow convicts. What I have felt I have felt like a man, and that I have not attempted to deprecate by pretending that I thought myself to blame. But, my dear Lord, this has been merely exterior, for at home and alone I have been greatly depressed, both on your account and on that of others. I have felt for the honour and credit, and sufferings, of a person to whom I can only be attached by principle. For the sentiment of personal affection does not arise for objects of such inequality. I do not know how to account for it, but I have had, and still have, such a share of that, as would make one think that with the air of France and with the language of the country I had imbibed all the prejudices of their education. My thoughts about your distress, and of those dear children, which seem to belong as much to me as to you and Lady C., have really affected me at times in a manner which would have exposed me anywhere out of my own room, and to anybody else but to Dr. Ekins, who knows how naturally, and justly, I feel for you,

I have in the last place been touched, as I must be, with the great difference of my own circumstances, such as they were and might have been, and such as they would be if all this impending mischief had its full effect. The loss of three thousand pounds a year, coming after debts created by imprudence, and which might otherwise have been soon liquidated, is a blow which I confess that I was not prepared for, and if I could not feel it for myself, I must have felt it for you. Born for your use, as Zanga says, I live but to oblige you, and as soon as I become unprofitable to you, I shall feel then the most sensibly, how imprudently I have acted, and how unjustly I have been dealt with. I have, as I have told you before, not had yet the courage to look upon that ledger, where I saw once so fair an account, and where I must now make myself so many rasures. Stabant tercentum nitidi in praepibus altis. I must now see myself reduced in comparison to a narrow or at least a circumscribed plan, and without a possibility of assisting one object of my affection without hurting another.

However, gloomy as the prospect has been, it may clear up, and I could, if it was right, encourage hopes and anticipate a perspective that is not unpleasing to me.

I shall see Lord G(ower)to-day, who will tell me more particularly how things have been settled since yesterday, when I was with him. It is an idea of my own that he has contrived an arrangement for you, which, while it relieves your distress, saves, I hope, your honour. I have myself as much dreaded as you could do, your being thought of as an object of mercy, and I trust that so near a relation will dread that for you, as well as myself, and that if he secures you from injustice that he will secure your credit at the same time. I have my eyes opened now upon the intrigues of a Court more than they were in all the former part of my life, and of all people I believe that I shall be the last for the future who will be the dupe of Ministers.

The new Government, for it is more that than merely a new Administration, has given me quite a new system for my own conduct. If they have by violence &c. got into places from whence I would have excluded them, if now they should behave rightly in them, and the country becomes better and safer for their conduct, it would be folly not to assist them. But I am, above all things, desirous that both your assistance and my own, such as it is, should be more wished for by them than their assistance wished for by us.

I think that you stand clear of all which can humiliate you at present. No one's conduct in every circumstance, so far as regards your administration in Ireland, can be more universally commended. You do not desert, but retire, when those who are at the helm, if they have confidence in your understanding and honour, mistrust your inclinations towards themselves, and you leave to their friends and dependants a business from which no honour can be derived.

You are not driven from your post, because they will have recalled a man manifestly more willing to leave it, than they to profit of the resignation. They would have kept you perhaps for their own sakes, although they would do nothing for yours, and they would have made you a tool, but cannot, as they know, make you a friend but by behaving well towards [you] and towards their country.

Your private circumstances, if known to be embarrassed, are known at the same time not to embarrass you. Your chop and your pewter plate will reproach others sooner than they can reflect disgrace upon yourself. The audax paupertas, however, is not necessary, but great economy is. I myself will give you an example of it, and contribute every atom in my power to ease your mind from what will most sensibly and naturally affect it. What interest in Parliament is left me shall be yours, and if my little bark, sailing in attendance upon yours, is able to assist you, I shall be happier in that circumstance than from any which I could otherwise have derived from it.

But we may perhaps all act in concord for the present. I am told, I do not [know] how true, that no hostilities are intended towards me; nous verrons. I can never be used by any set of Ministers so ill, or with such indignity, as by those who are removed. . . .(227) said last night that the executions were now near(ly) over. I will open my mind to you. I think both his and Richard's language in all this transaction has been to the last degree indecent, and I am sure, unless these two are better advised, they will do their chief more disservice than any ill-conduct of his own. When people of low birth have by great good luck and a fortunate concurrence of events been able to obtain, from lively parts only, without any acquisitions which can be useful to the public, such situations as are due only to persons of rank, weight, and character, it is surely an easy task not to be insolent. It is all I require of them; I envy no man his good fortune, ever so undeserved, while he shows no disposition to offend others. But with all this I have not been provoked enough to express my resentment, or mean enough to deprecate that of others.