When on the way back to the army, previously to entering upon this action, the state of my mind was rather different from what it had been before. I prayed earnestly for protection: but having so often failed in the promises I had made, I was afraid to make any more. I began to be diffident of myself. I did not plead with God on the promise of future amendment, but prayed for mercy. I used indeed the name of Christ; but had no right understanding, either of the true nature of the atonement for the guilt of sin, by his blood, or of his righteousness to justify the ungodly. My confidence was not placed in them for acceptance with God; but should death be the issue, I cast myself, with trembling hesitation, on his general mercy, and that with more resignation than formerly. I confessed my past failures, and prayed that if God was not pleased to preserve me unhurt, but if I was to be wounded, it might be in a merciful way; and that, if death was to be the issue, my sins might be pardoned. This was my prayer on entering the action, and as we had intervals of firing, I repeated it. But great as my fear of death was, I never thought of attempting to avoid it, by flinching from my duty as a soldier in such times of danger. I looked upon such conduct as sinful, and dared not seek present safety by an increase of guilt. I was also convinced, that cowardice was attended with the greatest danger, and that our greatest safety lay in every one doing his duty with steady courage. I had fired about twelve rounds, when the sun was beginning to appear in the horizon, and was in the act of ramming another cartridge, when a shot from one of the sharp-shooters, struck upon the inner ancle bone of my left foot; it turned round the back of the leg, passing between the sinew of the heel and the leg bone, and lodged just under the skin, a little above the bone of the outer ancle. It was there that I felt the pain. I was stunned with the stroke; but from the part in which I felt the pain, I did not think it was a ball, but that a large shot or shell, having struck some of the stones that were lying in the rear, a splinter from them had hit me in the back of the leg: I loaded my piece, and then, on lifting up my leg to see what was the matter, saw a musket-shot hole in the half-gaiter, and some appearance of blood. I shouldered my piece, but the sharp-shooters directly in front of me had disappeared. I stood a few seconds unresolved what to do; but feeling the pain increase, and seeing the blood beginning to appear more on the gaiter, and the officer commanding the company having come to the rear, and observing that I was wounded, he called to me to fall out, and I was induced to leave the ranks, but felt very reluctant to quit my comrades before the battle was decided: not that I loved to stay in a place of danger; but I did not like to leave them in the time of it; and had there been firing at the time, I should have continued to fire while I was able. As matters stood, however, I conceived it to be my duty, seeing I was disabled from keeping my place in the ranks, to make the best of my way, as long as I was able, to a place where I might be out of the reach of shot, and get my wound dressed, that it might not receive injury by delay. I got as quickly as I could to the rear, keeping my arms, accoutrements, and knapsack which I had on when wounded. The battle at this time was raging upon the right with terrible fury; and the brigade of guards immediately on the right of ours, were closely engaged. The roar of the artillery was dreadful. Daylight had now made both parties visible to each other; but the smoke of the firing obscured the distant view; so that, although the scene of contest was but a short way off from me, I could neither see our own line nor that of the enemy, all being covered with a thick cloud, through which nothing was visible, but the dark red glare of the flashes of the artillery. As I began to descend the height in the rear of the army, I was in imminent danger. The position of the brigade of guards, (which was on the right of ours,) and of the right of our own brigade, receded considerably from the spot on which our regiment stood, owing to the direction of the rising ground on which we were posted. In consequence of this, and of the positions of the enemy's columns and artillery, a large proportion of his shot, that had been fired at too high an elevation, fell in the rear of our regiment's tents. As I did not at the time observe this circumstance, I took the direct road from our own rear, to the landing place on Lake Maadie, distant about two miles. I was led by this route to cross the range of the falling shot. The musket and grape shot was coming down in showers, and further on, the large shot was striking and rebounding off the ground in rapid succession. I used all possible exertion to get through this danger; and, by the goodness of God, received no further hurt; while others, who, like myself, were wounded and retiring to the rear, did not escape. The exertion I had made, with the blood I was losing, which marked my steps in the sand, began to exhaust me; but I had the happiness of having my canteen full of water at the commencement of my retreat, which refreshed me. My arms, at length, however, becoming too heavy for me, I left my firelock in an erect posture, by running the bayonet into the ground, after taking the powder out of the pan, to prevent accidents to those that might find it.
When I had got near to the landing place, I found several surgeons, on the outside of an hospital tent that had been lately pitched for the sick, busily engaged in dressing some of the wounded that had arrived before me. I sat down to wait my turn to be dressed, which was not long, for the number before me was not great. When I took the gaiter off my leg, I pulled a piece of it out of the wound, and as the ball appeared prominent under the skin, it was easily extracted, and another piece of the gaiter was taken out, which was wrapped round it. The ball was flattened, and a part of it turned over by the resistance of the ancle bone; yet the bone was not broken. After I was dressed, I lay down at the side of a bush, until I might learn what was to be done with the wounded. By this time the firing of musketry had ceased on the field of battle; a cannonade alone was heard; and we were all anxiety respecting the success of the day, for if the army was compelled to retreat, the situation of the wounded would be distressing and dangerous. Great numbers of wounded were now arriving to be dressed, who brought different reports, some of them saying, they did not think that the army would be able to keep its ground. This made us look with anxiety to the heights, to observe if any retrograde motion was made; but the cannonade ceased; and we were informed that the enemy had been completely repulsed, and had retreated back to Alexandria. The action terminated about ten o'clock, A. M.
This action, though short, was severe and bloody, and was sustained on our part chiefly by the right wing of the army, the left having been only partially engaged. The object of the enemy was to dislodge the troops on the right, from the rising ground on which they were posted, and then to drive the army into Lake Maadie. He expected to possess himself of the rising ground before day-break; and being perfectly acquainted with the place, and with the way in which we were posted, he was at no loss to make his attack in the dark: but as it was our practice to stand under arms from three o'clock in the morning till an hour after day-break, we were not taken by surprise. The enemy's force consisted of nine thousand seven hundred men, of which fifteen hundred were cavalry; with forty-six pieces of cannon. Our army, by its losses in the former actions, by parties absent at Aboukir on duty, and by sickness, had been reduced to somewhat less than ten thousand, including four hundred cavalry; with thirty-six pieces of cannon. When the enemy retreated, he left seventeen hundred men dead and wounded on the field, of whom a thousand and forty were buried the first two days: he lost also four hundred horses. How many wounded retired, or had been removed, could not be known; but military judges calculate the whole at about four thousand men, which was more than a third of their whole number. We had two hundred and forty-three killed, one thousand one hundred and ninety-three wounded, and thirty-two missing, and four seamen killed, and twenty wounded, making a total of 1493.—Our worthy commander-in-chief, Sir Ralph Abercrombie, died on the 28th, of a wound he received in the thigh, and was deeply regretted by the whole army. General Moore also was again wounded, but recovered in a short time and returned to his duty. The loss of our regiment was forty men.
Having lain at the bush until about two o'clock, I then observed a number of the wounded going on board of boats to be taken to the fleet. I got up and went to the landing place, and having got on board one of them, arrived at the fleet in the evening; where I was put on board a two-decked ship, appropriated for the reception of the wounded, and got into a berth with two more of the same regiment. Upwards of two hundred wounded men were collected on board of this ship; and the wounds of many of them being severe, numbers died during the first ten days. If any one wishes to know what were the topics of conversation among so many men in such circumstances, it pains me to state, that our conversation was about any thing but that one thing which most concerned us, and which ought to have engrossed our whole attention. About that world to which so many of us were daily departing, and about that God before whom so many were so soon to make their appearance, there was not a word to be heard, except it was in taking his name in vain. The groans of the dying were to be heard in various quarters of the ship, but no one either asking or telling how a sinner could be saved. Nor was I better than others. I did not improve my mercies. I had been wounded in a comparatively merciful manner, but I forgot the God to whom I had made my supplication, and neglected my Bible. I conversed with one of my comrades, who was a Scottish Episcopalian, upon church government, and he took some pains to inform me of the claims of Episcopacy, of which I was ignorant. But what did such topics avail to dying men, whose conversation ought to have been about the salvation of their souls? He was badly wounded in the thigh, and did not live many weeks. The part of my wound where the ball entered healed in about sixteen days; but the part where it was extracted became inflamed, and the foot and ancle swelled considerably. I was suspicious that the dirty water with which it was sometimes washed was the occasion of the inflammation. An erroneous opinion was entertained, that salt water would smart the wounds: and as fresh water was not in plenty on board the ship, only a small quantity of it was allowed for washing them. A great number were washed with one basin-full, and, as many of the wounds were foul, this was calculated to infect those that were clean. Had salt water been used, a basin of clean water might have been taken to every one. I was washed with salt water when in the hospital at Aboukir, and felt no difference between it and fresh. By the end of three weeks my wound began to mortify. I was then put into a boat to be taken to the hospital at Aboukir, along with a number more whose cases were considered bad. Two were so weak that they were unable to sit, and were laid upon gratings in the bottom of the boat: one of them died before we reached the shore, and the other died upon the beach. These cases made little impression upon my mind; death was becoming familiar to me, and I looked at it with a careless indifference. When the boat reached the shore I was carried to the Hutts hospital; which was a building upon a height, erected by the French to serve as barracks to their troops stationed at Aboukir.
It was formed of the trunks of date trees split down the middle; the ends were sunk into the ground; the flat side of one tree was turned outwards, and the flat side of the next inwards, and so alternately, the round edges being made to overlap each other, and the crevices filled with plaster lime. It was roofed in the same manner. A great many bats had formed their nests in the holes, where the roof rested upon the upright posts.—Here I was well taken care of; so that by the mercy of God, the inflammation subsided, and in sixteen days the putrid flesh was wholly cleaned away, leaving a pretty large orifice. A part of the tendon of the heel seemed to have been eaten away by the inflammation, but the damage did not appear to be very serious, and it began to heal rapidly.
While in this place, a small scorpion had got into my haversack, and as I put my hand into it to get some bread it stung me in the point of my thumb. This sensation resembled that which is produced by the sting of a bee, but the pain was more violent, and lasted for twenty-four hours before it subsided, but was attended by no other bad consequence.
The regiment to which I belonged, being at this time encamped at Aboukir, made an offer to accommodate their own wounded men, as the general hospital was crowded. This offer was accepted, and those that were in a condition to be moved were sent to the regimental hospital. I remained a day or two there; but, being healthy, and my wound likely to heal soon, I was removed to the convalescent tents, which, on account of some cases of fever in the regimental hospital, were at some distance. There I was left to dress my wound myself, which continued to mend, but not so rapidly as before. That dreadful calamity, the plague, made its first appearance at the Hutts hospital about the time that I left it; and, a few days afterwards, a corporal went with a party and buried a surgeon and two women in one hole, and seven others in another, that had already fallen victims to it.
The strength that the enemy brought to the field on the 21st March, showed that they were far more numerous in Egypt than we had been led to believe. The greatest number that had been calculated to be there was 15,000; but they had 27,000. As soon as the action of the 21st was over, the army made trenches along the whole position, and completed and increased the batteries and redoubts with all possible haste. The left was the weakest part of the position. The bed of Lake Mareotis was in front of it, but it was nearly dry, and passable in many parts both for horse and foot. Lake Maadie[[12]] was in the rear of the left, being only separated from the bed of Lake Mareotis by the banks of the canal[[13]] of Alexandria; and its waters were considerably above the level of Lake Mareotis and the surrounding country. On the 13th April a large opening was made in the banks of the canal; the water rushed into Lake Mareotis with a fall of six feet, and it continued to rush in for a month, when it nearly found its level; but there continued always a fall of about a foot, owing to the sand absorbing the water. By this measure a large extent of country was inundated; the front of the position was contracted, and the left protected from assault; and Lord Hutchison, who had succeeded Sir Ralph Abercrombie, was enabled to proceed with a part of the army to Rosetta, which had been previously taken by a detachment, assisted by 4,000 Turks; General Coote being left with the remainder to blockade Alexandria. The force assembling at Rosetta was destined to march against Grand Cairo. The Grand Vizier was advancing with an army from Syria to co-operate in the same object. Our regiment was ordered to join the troops at Rosetta. Most of the men belonging to it, who had been left on board ship sick of the fever, at the time we landed, had by this time recovered, so that it was now pretty strong. I continued in the convalescent tents about a fortnight. To enable me, when necessary, to go abroad, I procured a rough piece of wood, upon which I got the head of a tent mallet fastened, to serve for a crutch. By the help of this, and a stick in the other hand, I made a shift to go out of the tent; but, not being very expert at the use of the crutch, as I was going out one day, the tent cords catched the lower end of it, and I fell down, with the wounded leg undermost. This was to me a serious accident; for my wound immediately began to get worse, and in a few days it was greatly inflamed, and discharging black matter. I was then removed to the hospital tents, to be near the surgeon. Orders came for the regimental hospital to be moved to Rosetta, and such cases as were not fit to be moved were sent to the general hospital, which was now an extensive establishment; for the sick and wounded that were on board the fleet were sent on shore, and lodged in large sheds. Into one of these I was taken, along with another, who had been in the same convalescent tent with me. He had been slightly wounded: a musket ball having grazed the front of his leg; he was able to walk about with little inconvenience, and was desired by the surgeon not to confine himself close to the tent, but to take the air, and some little exercise. We were not, however, aware of the extreme danger of having the skin broken in Egypt, let the hurt be ever so slight. His wound had got much worse; it was not to appearance so serious as mine, yet, after he was a few days in the general hospital, it was found necessary to amputate his leg, an operation which he did not survive long; for the stump mortified, and he died after lingering about five weeks. His case alarmed me not a little; and as my wound continued for some time to get worse, the inflammation spreading, the lower part of the leg swelling greatly, and the pain being excessive, I was the more apprehensive, and prayed earnestly for mercy. God was pleased to hear my cry, and to spare me once more. The inflammation by and by subsided; the pain became moderate, my appetite, which was lost, returned; and the wound began to clean and heal.
The weather was now very warm. The shed in which I was, was so constructed, as to combine the advantages of shade and air. The roof was formed of boards, (brought I suppose from Marmorice,) and was supported upon posts, made of the trunks of date trees, which were sunk into the ground at certain distances; boards were nailed to these posts, and about an inch left open betwixt each board, to the height of about four feet, and then there was an opening of about two feet to the edge of the roof. This shed was of great length, and was crossed by one or two similar ones. In them all there were three rows of beds, two rows with the ends of the beds to the sides of the shed, and one row set length-ways in the centre. Although these structures were so open in the sides we were sufficiently warm during the night. We were, however, much troubled with fleas, of which the sandy floor was full, so that it was impossible to get rid of them. Indeed the whole of the desert was full of these vermin. There were also some crickets of a very large size, which interrupted our sleep by the strong and constant sound of their music; not unmelodious in itself, had it not been unseasonable. The flies too gave us a vast deal of annoyance through the day. It was with difficulty that we could keep them out of our eyes; and they were most pernicious to those who had large putrid sores; for, as it was impossible to keep them out of the wound while it was dressing, this occasioned not only present trouble, but the breeding of maggots, which increased the torture of many who were sinking to the grave. Even those who were well, of all classes, found it needful to carry a small bunch of rushes tied upon a handle, to be used like a fan, to drive them away.
On the 23d of May, the hot wind came on. The air was darkened with mist, which was so thick that it rendered breathing difficult. We were glad to cover ourselves over the head with our blankets: for although the heat was intense, and the blankets disagreeably warm and heavy, yet we found our breathing more tolerable under them than when uncovered. The orderly men, who had to go out of the shed for water, and on other necessary business, complained of the heat of the wind, saying that it blew the sand in their faces as hot as fire.[[14]] Towards evening the wind blew from the sea; the air became clear; and the night was about its usual coolness. But the consequences of this wind were dreadful to the hospital. The plague now raged with redoubled fury, and made fearful havoc among the nurses and orderly men, and those who had slight wounds. The three nurses who attended the division of the shed I was in, were infected one after the other, and were sent to the post hospital; where, as I afterwards heard, they died. One set of nurses and orderly men followed another in rapid succession for some weeks. It was observed, that none of those who had large sores were infected by it; but such sores after this period were more mortal, for mortifications now became rapid in their progress, and baffled the power of medicine to arrest them. Amputations were multiplied, but were mostly unavailing; and even sores comparatively slight, mortified and proved fatal. Some of the cases struck me forcibly.—A sailor who had a slight wound in one of his legs, and who could move about, and be serviceable to those that were bed-fast, went one night to the shore, which was not far off, to get some drink; his leg immediately got worse; in a few days the entire calf of it was one putrid ulcer, with numbers of maggots; poultices, spirits of wine, and other strong liquors, and tinctures were profusely used, but in vain—he died in about a week. Another, whose wound was cured, and who was ordered to join his regiment, absented himself on the night previous to the day appointed for his departure, and that of some others. In a day or two after the party was gone, he appeared in his place with a sore leg. It was believed that he had purposely scratched his shin with a stone; but whatever way he had taken to make it sore, the surgeon, who had not noticed his conduct, saw that it required dressing, which was done without any particular inquiry; and as none that knew his conduct liked spontaneously to inform upon him, he was not called in question. It was manifest, however, that cowardice was the cause of his injuring his leg, that he might remain in the hospital until danger was over. But the very means he took to avoid danger, to which he might never have, been exposed, proved his destruction. In three or four days his leg became so much inflamed, that amputation was rendered necessary. This was performed above the knee, but the inflammation had reached the thigh. As he lay nearly opposite to me, I saw the face of the stump when it was dressed. The skin never united; at the second or third dressing the flesh of the thigh was detached from the bone; so much so, that there was a large cavity underneath the bone, which made it visible almost to the joint. He died before next day, being about ten or twelve days from the time, he appeared with his leg sore. At my left hand lay a young man, a sailor belonging to the Northumberland 74, with a large ulcer in the under side of his right arm, a little below the arm pit. I formed an attachment to this young man; took a note of his own and his mother's name, and place of residence, and of the time when his wages became due; and promised, if I got safe to England, to inform them of these particulars, and of the time and circumstances of his death, for he was sensible that death was near. But there is one thing that gives me no small pain, when I reflect upon it, to this day; that, although I saw he was dying, I was not able, with all the religion I thought I had, to point my dying comrade to the Saviour. Not having found a Saviour to my own soul, whatever I might say about religion or religious subjects, a Saviour, properly so called, was no part of my system. I who never beheld Jesus, as the Lamb of God which taketh away the sin of the world, could not point him out, in that soul-reviving character, to others; neither did there appear to be in this house of death, any one that could point his dying comrades to a Saviour, nor any among the dying throng, that were asking after a Saviour. Whatever emotions might be passing through the minds of any, the question as to what became of the soul after death, the hope of heaven, or the fear of hell, the way to attain the one and escape the other, never became a subject of conversation; and yet if ever circumstances, (short of those of criminals condemned to die, without any hope of mercy, upon a particular day,) could have forced such conversation upon a company of sinful mortals, it must have been the circumstances we were in. But every one seemed to indulge the hope of life, until the cold hand of death was already on his heart, and left him little time to think of that world to which he was going, and less ability to communicate his thoughts to others, or to ask, or to receive information. And this was the case, not in this hospital only, but in all the hospitals I was in, both before and afterwards. I did indeed say a few words to my dying comrade, about praying for mercy to his soul, and made use of the name of Jesus in a formal way; and he continued for several days before his death, to pray very earnestly to God for mercy, and made use of that name: but whether he understood the character of Jesus as a Saviour, and was led to place his dependence upon his merits, is more than I can tell. It may be, that the Spirit of Christ, in his sovereign grace, gave him a saving knowledge of that name that was used at first in ignorance, and led him to trust in him for salvation; but if this was the case, it was known only to himself; he was unable to make it known to others; and, although he had been able to tell me if I asked, I was unable to discern it; for he that has not been enlightened by the Spirit of Christ himself, and brought out of darkness into marvellous light, is ill qualified to discern when that change takes place upon others.[[15]]