529. Substitute a clause or a dependent phrase for an awkward absolute phrase.
Involved. What he said about the work was favorable, he being a man who leans to censure rather than to praise.
Straightforward. What he said about the work was favorable, for he is a man who leans to censure rather than to praise.
Revise. His work having been done he stopped.
Revise. It being his first visit to the city, he was interested in the many large houses.
530. Avoid successive subordinations similar in form and dependent one on another.
Awkward. I have an economics instructor who is a middle-aged man who has had ten years’ experience as vice-president of a bank in New York City.
Smooth. I have an economics instructor who is a middle-aged man with ten years’ experience as vice-president of a bank in New York City.
Revise. He eventually tired of the life of a mere henchman of the political boss of the Sixteenth ward.