104. Writing that is serious in tone or purpose should include nothing that will destroy its seriousness.
Wrong. Gypsies are a peculiar, wandering race of people that appeared in eastern Europe in the fourteenth century and that has now spread out into Asia, America, and parts of Africa. These people are easily distinguished from those among whom they rove by appearance, by language, and by behavior. In appearance they are slight, though very strong; in color, somewhat tawny. In language they are thought to resemble some long-lost Hindu tribe. In behavior they are sneaky, and a number of them are not above chicken stealing.
Better.
Gypsies are a peculiar, wandering race of people.... In behavior they are untrustworthy, and a number of them are not above petty thievery.
105. Writing that is light in tone or purpose should include nothing that will destroy its lightness.
Wrong. Many different types are in evidence around Fitzgerald’s boathouse in the spring. The type most frequently discovered, perhaps, is the lover. He comes, accompanied by his inamorata, in quest of a canoe, in which presently the two are drifting idly upon the ample bosom of Turtle creek. It is strange that lovers should sojourn here, for Turtle creek is anything rather than a background for romance.
Better. Many different types are in evidence around Fitzgerald’s boathouse in spring.... Muddy water, sand dredges, a railway construction gang at work near at hand, the whole background is unheeded by the lovers—romance needs no setting.
106. Arrange your ideas in some orderly sequence.
Following are various kinds of sequence.