BOOK VII.
THE ELDER BROTHER.
Conversation—Story of the elder Brother—His romantic Views and Habits—The Scene of his Meditations—Their Nature—Interrupted by an Adventure—The Consequences of it—A strong and permanent Passion—Search of its Object—Long ineffectual—How found—The first Interview—The second—End of the Adventure—Retirement.
TALES OF THE HALL.
BOOK VII.
THE ELDER BROTHER.
“Thanks, my dear Richard; and, I pray thee, deign To speak the truth—does all this love remain, And all this joy? for views and flights sublime, Ardent and tender, are subdued by time. Speakst thou of her to whom thou madest thy vows, Of my fair sister, of thy lawful spouse? Or art thou talking some frail love about, The rambling fit, before th’ abiding gout?” Nay, spare me, Brother, an adorer spare: Love and the gout! thou wouldst not these compare?” 10 “Yea, and correctly; teasing ere they come, They then confine their victim to his home: In both are previous feints and false attacks, Both place the grieving patient on their racks: They both are ours, with all they bring, for life, ’Tis not in us t’ expel or gout or wife; On man a kind of dignity they shed, A sort of gloomy pomp about his bed; Then, if he leaves them, go where’er he will, They have a claim upon his body still; 20 Nay, when they quit him, as they sometimes do, What is there left t’ enjoy or to pursue?— But dost thou love this woman?” “O! beyond What I can tell thee of the true and fond: Hath she not soothed me, sick, enrich’d me, poor, And banish’d death and misery from my door? Has she not cherish’d every moment’s bliss, And made an Eden of a world like this? When Care would strive with us his watch to keep, Has she not sung the snarling fiend to sleep? 30 And when Distress has look’d us in the face, Has she not told him, ‘thou art not Disgrace?’” “I must behold her, Richard; I must see This patient spouse who sweetens misery— But didst thou need, and wouldst thou not apply?— Nay thou wert right—but then how wrong was I!” “My indiscretion was——” “No more repeat; Would I were nothing worse than indiscreet;— But still there is a plea that I could bring, Had I the courage to describe the thing.” 40 “Then, thou too, Brother, couldst of weakness tell; Thou, too, hast found the wishes that rebel Against the sovereign reason; at some time Thou hast been fond, heroic, and sublime; Wrote verse, it may be, and for one dear maid The sober purposes of life delay’d; From year to year the fruitless chase pursued, And hung enamour’d o’er the flying good. Then, be thy weakness to a Brother shown, And give him comfort who displays his own.” 50 “Ungenerous youth! dost thou presuming ask A man so grave his failings to unmask? What if I tell thee of a waste of time, That on my spirit presses as a crime, Wilt thou despise me?—I, who, soaring, fell} So late to rise—Hear then the tale I tell; } Who tells what thou shalt hear, esteems his hearer well. }
“Yes, my dear Richard, thou shalt hear me own Follies and frailties thou hast never known; Thine was a frailty,—folly, if you please— 60 But mine a flight, a madness, a disease. “Turn with me to my twentieth year, for then The lover’s frenzy ruled the poet’s pen; When virgin reams were soil’d with lays of love, The flinty hearts of fancied nymphs to move: Then was I pleased in lonely ways to tread, And muse on tragic tales of lovers dead; For all the merit I could then descry In man or woman was for love to die. “I mused on charmers chaste, who pledged their truth, 70 And left no more the once-accepted youth; Though he disloyal, lost, diseased, became, The widow’d turtle’s was a deathless flame. This faith, this feeling, gave my soul delight: Truth in the lady, ardour in the knight. “I built me castles wondrous rich and rare, Few castle-builders could with me compare; The hall, the palace, rose at my command, And these I fill’d with objects great and grand. Virtues sublime, that nowhere else would live, 80 Glory and pomp, that I alone could give; Trophies and thrones, by matchless valour gain’d, Faith unreproved, and chastity unstain’d; With all that soothes the sense and charms the soul, Came at my call, and were in my control. “And who was I? a slender youth and tall, In manner awkward, and with fortune small; With visage pale; my motions quick and slow, That fall and rising in the spirits show; For none could more by outward signs express 90 What wise men lock within the mind’s recess. Had I a mirror set before my view, I might have seen what such a form could do; Had I within the mirror truth beheld, I should have such presuming thoughts repell’d: But, awkward as I was, without the grace That gives new beauty to a form or face, Still I expected friends most true to prove, And grateful, tender, warm, assiduous love. “Assured of this, that love’s delicious bond 100 Would hold me ever faithful, ever fond, It seem’d but just that I in love should find A kindred heart as constant and as kind. Give me, I cried, a beauty: none on earth Of higher rank or nobler in her birth; Pride of her race, her father’s hope and care, Yet meek as children of the cottage are; Nursed in the court, and there by love pursued, But fond of peace, and blest in solitude; By rivals honour’d, and by beauties praised, 110 Yet all unconscious of the envy raised. Suppose her this, and from attendants freed, To want my prowess in a time of need, When safe and grateful she desires to show She feels the debt that she delights to owe, And loves the man who saved her in distress— So fancy will’d, nor would compound for less. “This was my dream.—In some auspicious hour, In some sweet solitude, in some green bower, Whither my fate should lead me, there, unseen, 120 I should behold my fancy’s gracious queen, Singing sweet song! that I should hear awhile, Then catch the transient glory of a smile; Then at her feet with trembling hope should kneel, Such as rapt saints and raptured lovers feel: To watch the chaste unfoldings of her heart, In joy to meet, in agony to part, And then in tender song to soothe my grief, And hail, in glorious rhyme, my Lady of the Leaf. “To dream these dreams I chose a woody scene, 130 My guardian-shade, the world and me between; A green inclosure, where beside its bound A thorny fence beset its beauties round, Save where some creature’s force had made a way For me to pass, and in my kingdom stray. Here then I stray’d, then sat me down to call, Just as I will’d, my shadowy subjects all! Fruits of all minds conceived on every coast— Fay, witch, enchanter, devil, demon, ghost; And thus with knights and nymphs, in halls and bowers, 140 In war and love, I pass’d unnumber’d hours. Gross and substantial beings all forgot,} Ideal glories beam’d around the spot, } And all that was, with me, of this poor world was not. } “Yet in this world there was a single scene, That I allow’d with mine to intervene. This house, where never yet my feet had stray’d, I with respect and timid awe survey’d; With pleasing wonder I have oft-times stood, To view these turrets rising o’er the wood; 150 When fancy to the halls and chambers flew, Large, solemn, silent, that I must not view; The moat was then, and then o’er all the ground Tall elms and ancient oaks stretch’d far around; And where the soil forbad the nobler race, Dwarf trees and humbler shrubs had found their place, Forbidding man in their close hold to go, Haw, gatter, holm, the service and the sloe; With tangling weeds that at the bottom grew, And climbers all above their feathery branches threw. 160 Nor path of man or beast was there espied;} But there the birds of darkness loved to hide,} The loathed toad to lodge, and speckled snake to glide. } “To me this hall, thus view’d in part, appear’d A mansion vast. I wonder’d, and I fear’d. There as I wander’d, fancy’s forming eye Could gloomy cells and dungeons dark espy; Winding through these, I caught th’ appalling sound} Of troubled souls, that guilty minds confound,} Where murder made its way, and mischief stalk’d around. } Above the roof were raised the midnight storms, 171 And the wild lights betray’d the shadowy forms. “With all these flights and fancies, then so dear, I reach’d the birth-day of my twentieth year; And in the evening of a day in June Was singing—as I sang—some heavenly tune. My native tone, indeed, was harsh and hoarse, But he who feels such powers can sing of course— Is there a good on earth, or gift divine, That fancy cannot say, behold! ’tis mine? 180 “So was I singing, when I saw descend From this old seat a lady and her friend; Downward they came with steady pace and slow, Arm link’d in arm, to bless my world below. I knew not yet if they escaped, or chose Their own free way; if they had friends or foes— But near to my dominion drew the pair, Link’d arm in arm, and walk’d, conversing, there. “I saw them ere they came, myself unseen, My lofty fence and thorny bound between— 190 And one alone, one matchless face I saw, And, though at distance, felt delight and awe: Fancy and truth adorn’d her; fancy gave Much, but not all; truth help’d to make their slave. For she was lovely, all was not the vain Or sickly homage of a fever’d brain; No! she had beauty, such as they admire Whose hope is earthly, and whose love desire; Imagination might her aid bestow, But she had charms that only truth could show. 200 “Their dress was such as well became the place,} But one superior; hers the air, the grace, } The condescending looks, that spoke the nobler race. } Slender she was and tall; her fairy-feet Bore her right onward to my shady seat; And O! I sigh’d that she would nobly dare To come, nor let her friend th’ adventure share; But see how I in my dominion reign, And never wish to view the world again. “Thus was I musing, seeing with my eyes 210 These objects, with my mind her fantasies, And chiefly thinking—is this maid, divine As she appears, to be this queen of mine? Have I from henceforth beauty in my view, Not airy all, but tangible and true? Here then I fix, here bound my vagrant views, And here devote my heart, my time, my muse. “She saw not this, though ladies early trace Their beauty’s power, the glories of their face; Yet knew not this fair creature—could not know 220 That new-born love that I too soon must show! And I was musing—how shall I begin? How make approach my unknown way to win, And to that heart, as yet untouch’d, make known The wound, the wish, the weakness of my own? Such is my part, but——Mercy! what alarm? Dare aught on earth that sovereign beauty harm? Again—the shrieking charmers—how they rend The gentle air——The shriekers lack a friend— They are my princess and th’ attendant maid, 230 In so much danger, and so much afraid!— But whence the terror?—Let me haste and see } What has befallen them who cannot flee—} Whence can the peril rise? What can that peril be? } “It soon appear’d, that while this nymph divine Moved on, there met her rude uncivil kine, Who knew her not—the damsel was not there Who kept them—all obedient—in her care; Strangers they thus defied and held in scorn, And stood in threat’ning posture, hoof and horn; 240 While Susan—pail in hand—could stand the while And prate with Daniel at a distant stile. “As feeling prompted, to the place I ran, Resolved to save the maids and show the man. Was each a cow like that which challenged Guy, } I had resolved t’ attack it, and defy} In mortal combat! to repel or die!} That was no time to parley—or to say, I will protect you—fly in peace away! Lo! yonder stile—but with an air of grace, 250 As I supposed, I pointed to the place. “The fair ones took me at my sign, and flew, Each like a dove, and to the stile withdrew; Where safe, at distance, and from terrors free, They turn’d to view my beastly foes and me. “I now had time my business to behold, And did not like it—let the truth be told: The cows, though cowards, yet in numbers strong, Like other mobs, by might defended wrong; In man’s own pathway fix’d, they seem’d disposed 260 For hostile measure, and in order closed, Then halted near me, as I judged, to treat, Before we came to triumph or defeat. “I was in doubt: ’twas sore disgrace, I knew, To turn my back, and let the cows pursue; And should I rashly mortal strife begin, ’Twas all unknown who might the battle win; And yet to wait, and neither fight nor fly, Would mirth create—I could not that deny; It look’d as if for safety I would treat, 270 Nay, sue for peace—No! rather come defeat! ‘Look to me, loveliest of thy sex! and give One cheering glance, and not a cow shall live; For lo! this iron bar, this strenuous arm, And those dear eyes to aid me as a charm.’ “Say, goddess! Victory! say, on man or cow Meanest thou now to perch?—On neither now— For, as I ponder’d, on their way appear’d The Amazonian milker of the herd; These, at the wonted signals, made a stand, 280 And woo’d the nymph of the relieving hand; Nor heeded now the man, who felt relief Of other kind, and not unmix’d with grief; For now he neither should his courage prove, Nor in his dying moments boast his love. “My sovereign beauty with amazement saw— So she declared—the horrid things in awe; Well pleased, she witness’d what respect was paid By such brute natures—Every cow afraid, And kept at distance by the powers of one, }290 Who had to her a dangerous service done,} That prudence had declined, that valour’s self might shun. } “So thought the maid, who now, beyond the stile, Received her champion with a gracious smile; Who now had leisure on those charms to dwell, That he could never from his thought expel. There are, I know, to whom a lover seems, Praising his mistress, to relate his dreams; But, Richard, looks like those, that angel-face Could I no more in sister-angel trace; 300 O! it was more than fancy! it was more } Than in my darling views I saw before, } When I my idol made, and my allegiance swore. } “Henceforth ’twas bliss upon that face to dwell, Till every trace became indelible; I bless’d the cause of that alarm, her fright, And all that gave me favour in her sight, Who then was kind and grateful, till my mind, Pleased and exulting, awe awhile resign’d. For in the moment when she feels afraid, }310 How kindly speaks the condescending maid; } She sees her danger near, she wants her lover’s aid. } As fire electric, when discharged, will strike All who receive it, and they feel alike, So in the shock of danger and surprise Our minds are struck, and mix, and sympathise. “But danger dies, and distance comes between My state and that of my all glorious queen; Yet much was done—upon my mind a chain Was strongly fix’d, and likely to remain; 320 Listening, I grew enamour’d of the sound, And felt to her my very being bound; I bless’d the scene, nor felt a power to move, Lost in the ecstacies of infant-love. “She saw and smiled; the smile delight convey’d, My love encouraged, and my act repaid. In that same smile I read the charmer meant To give her hero chaste encouragement; It spoke, as plainly as a smile can speak, ‘Seek whom you love, love freely whom you seek.’ 330 “Thus, when the lovely witch had wrought her charm, She took th’ attendant maiden by the arm, And left me fondly gazing, till no more I could the shade of that dear form explore; Then to my secret haunt I turn’d again, Fire in my heart, and fever in my brain; That face of her for ever in my view, } Whom I was henceforth fated to pursue,} To hope I knew not what—small hope in what I knew. } “O! my dear Richard, what a waste of time 340 Gave I not thus to lunacy sublime; What days, months, years, (to useful purpose lost) Has not this dire infatuation cost? To this fair vision I, a [bonded] slave, Time, duty, credit, honour, comfort, gave; Gave all—and waited for the glorious things That hope expects, but fortune never brings. Yet let me own, while I my fault reprove, There is one blessing still affix’d to love— To love like mine—for, as my soul it drew 350 From reason’s path, it shunn’d dishonour’s too; It made my taste refined, my feelings nice, And placed an angel in the way of vice. “This angel now, whom I no longer view’d, Far from this scene her destined way pursued; No more that mansion held a form so fair, She was away, and beauty was not there. “Such, my dear Richard, was my early flame, My youthful frenzy—give it either name; It was the withering bane of many a year, 360 That past away in causeless hope and fear— The hopes, the fears, that every dream could kill, Or make alive, and lead my passive will. “At length I learnt one name my angel bore, And Rosabella I must now adore: Yet knew but this—and not the favour’d place That held the angel or th’ angelic race; Nor where, admired, the sweet enchantress dwelt, But I had lost her—that, indeed, I felt. “Yet, would I say, she will at length be mine! 370 Did ever hero hope or love resign? Though men oppose, and fortune bids despair, } She will in time her mischief well repair,} And I, at last, shall wed this fairest of the fair! } “My thrifty uncle, now return’d, began To stir within me what remain’d of man; My powerful frenzy painted to the life, And ask’d me if I took a dream to wife? Debate ensued, and, though not well content, Upon a visit to his house I went. 380 He, the most saving of mankind, had still Some kindred feeling; he would guide my will, And teach me wisdom—so affection wrought, That he to save me from destruction sought: To him destruction, the most awful curse Of misery’s children, was—an empty purse! He his own books approved, and thought the pen An useful instrument for trading men; But judged a quill was never to be slit Except to make it for a merchant fit. 390 He, when inform’d how men of taste could write, Look’d on his ledger with supreme delight; Then would he laugh, and, with insulting joy, Tell me aloud, ‘that’s poetry, my boy; These are your golden numbers—them repeat,} The more you have, the more you’ll find them sweet—} Their numbers move all hearts—no matter for their feet. } Sir, when a man composes in this style, What is to him a critic’s frown or smile? What is the puppy’s censure or applause 400 To the good man who on his banker draws, Buys an estate, and writes upon the grounds, ‘Pay to A. B. an hundred thousand pounds?’ Thus, my dear nephew, thus your talents prove; Leave verse to poets, and the poor to love.’ “Some months I suffered thus, compell’d to sit And hear a wealthy kinsman aim at wit; Yet there was something in his nature good, And he had feeling for the tie of blood. So, while I languish’d for my absent maid 410 I some observance to my uncle paid.” “Had you inquired?” said Richard. “I had placed Inquirers round, but nothing could be traced; Of every reasoning creature at this Hall, And tenant near it, I applied to all—— ‘Tell me if she’—and I described her well— ‘Dwelt long a guest, or where retired to dwell?’ But no! such lady they remember’d not— They saw that face, strange beings! and forgot. Nor was inquiry all; but I pursued 420 My soul’s first wish, with hope’s vast strength endued: I cross’d the seas, I went where strangers go, And gazed on crowds as one who dreads a foe, Or seeks a friend; and, when I sought in vain, Fled to fresh crowds, and hoped, and gazed again.” “It was a strong possession”—“Strong and strange, I felt the evil, yet desired not change. Years now had flown, nor was the passion cured, But hope had life, and so was life endured; The mind’s disease, with all its strength, stole on, 430 Till youth, and health, and all but love were gone. And there were seasons, Richard, horrid hours Of mental suffering! they o’erthrew my powers, And made my mind unsteady—I have still, At times, a feeling of that nameless ill, That is not madness—I could always tell My mind was wandering—knew it was not well; Felt all my loss of time, the shameful waste Of talents perish’d, and of parts disgraced. But though my mind was sane, there was a void— 440 My understanding seem’d in part destroy’d; I thought I was not of my species one, But unconnected, injured and undone! “While in this state, once more my uncle pray’d That I would hear—I heard, and I obey’d; For I was thankful that a being broke On this my sadness, or an interest took In my poor life—but, at his mansion, rest Came with its halcyon stillness to my breast. Slowly there enter’d in my mind concern 450 For things about me—I would something learn, And to my uncle listen; who, with joy, Found that ev’n yet I could my powers employ, Till I could feel new hopes my mind possess, Of ease at least, if not of happiness; Till, not contented, not in discontent, As my good uncle counsell’d, on I went; Conscious of youth’s great error—nay, the crime Of manhood now—a dreary waste of time! Conscious of that account which I must give 460 How life had past with me—I strove to live. “Had I, like others, my first hope attain’d, I must, at least, a certainty have gain’d; Had I, like others, lost the hope of youth, Another hope had promised greater truth; But I in baseless hopes, and groundless views, Was fated time, and peace, and health to lose, Impell’d to seek, for ever doom’d to fail, Is——I distress you—let me end my tale. “Something one day occurr’d about a bill 470 That was not drawn with true mercantile skill, And I was ask’d and authorized to go To seek the firm of Clutterbuck and Co.; Their hour was past—but when I urged the case, There was a youth who named a second place; Where, on occasions of important kind, I might the man of occupation find In his retirement, where he found repose From the vexations that in business rose. I found, though not with ease, this private seat 480 Of soothing quiet, wisdom’s still retreat. “The house was good, but not so pure and clean As I had houses of retirement seen; Yet men, I knew, of meditation deep, Love not their maidens should their studies sweep; His room I saw, and must acknowledge, there Were not the signs of cleanliness or care: A female servant, void of female grace, Loose in attire, proceeded to the place; She stared intrusive on my slender frame, 490 And boldly ask’d my business and my name. “I gave them both; and, left to be amused, Well as I might, the parlour I perused. The shutters half unclosed, the curtains fell } Half down, and rested on the window-sill, } And thus, confusedly, made the room half visible. } Late as it was, the little parlour bore Some tell-tale tokens of the night before; There were strange sights and scents about the room, Of food high-season’d, and of strong perfume; 500 Two unmatch’d sofas ample rents display’d; Carpet and curtains were alike decay’d; A large old mirror, with once-gilded frame, Reflected prints that I forbear to name, Such as a youth might purchase—but, in truth, Not a sedate or sober-minded youth; The cinders yet were sleeping in the grate, } Warm from the fire, continued large and late,} As left by careless folk in their neglected state; } The chairs in haste seem’d whirl’d about the room,}510 As when the sons of riot hurry home,} And leave the troubled place to solitude and gloom. } “All this, for I had ample time, I saw, And prudence question’d—should we not withdraw? For he who makes me thus on business wait, Is not for business in a proper state; But man there was not, was not he for whom To this convenient lodging I was come; No! but a lady’s voice was heard to call On my attention—and she had it all; 520 For lo! she enters, speaking ere in sight, ‘Monsieur! I shall not want the chair to-night— Where shall I see him?—This dear hour atones For all affection’s hopeless sighs and groans’— Then, turning to me—‘Art thou come at last? A thousand welcomes—be forgot the past; Forgotten all the grief that absence brings, Fear that torments, and jealousy that stings— All that is cold, injurious, and unkind, Be it for ever banish’d from the mind; 530 And in that mind, and in that heart be now The soft endearment, and the binding vow!’ “She spoke—and o’er the practised features threw The looks that reason charm, and strength subdue. “Will you not ask, how I beheld that face, Or read that mind, and read it in that place? I have tried, Richard, oft-times, and in vain, To trace my thoughts, and to review their train— If train there were—that meadow, grove, and stile; The fright, th’ escape, her sweetness and her smile; 540 Years since elapsed, and hope, from year to year, To find her free—and then to find her here! “But is it she?—O! yes; the rose is dead; All beauty, fragrance, freshness, glory fled; But yet ’tis she—the same and not the same— Who to my bower an heavenly being came; Who waked my soul’s first thought of real bliss; Whom long I sought; and now I find her—this. “I cannot paint her—something I had seen So pale and slim, and tawdry and unclean; 550 With haggard looks, of vice and wo the prey, Laughing in langour, miserably gay. Her face, where face appear’d, was amply spread, } By art’s coarse pencil, with ill-chosen red, } The flower’s fictitious bloom, the blushing of the dead; } But still the features were the same, and strange My view of both—the sameness and the change, That fix’d me gazing and my eye enchain’d, Although so little of herself remain’d; It is the creature whom I loved, and yet 560 Is far unlike her—Would I could forget The angel or her fall! the once adored Or now despised! the worshipp’d or deplored! “‘O! Rosabella!’ I prepared to say, } ‘Whom I have loved,’ but prudence whisper’d nay, } And folly grew ashamed—discretion had her day.} She gave her hand; which, as I lightly press’d, The cold but ardent grasp my soul oppress’d; The ruin’d girl disturb’d me, and my eyes Look’d, I conceive, both sorrow and surprise. 570 “I spoke my business—‘He,’ she answer’d, ‘comes And lodges here—he has the backward rooms— He now is absent, and I chanced to hear Will not before to-morrow eve appear, And may be longer absent——O! the night When you preserved me in that horrid fright; A thousand, thousand times, asleep, awake, I thought of what you ventured for my sake— Now, have you thought—yet tell me so—deceive Your Rosabella, willing to believe! 580 O! there is something in love’s first-born pain Sweeter than bliss—it never comes again— But has your heart been faithful?’—Here my pride, To anger rising, her attempt defied— ‘My faith must childish in your sight appear, Who have been faithful—to how many, dear?’ “If words had fail’d, a look explain’d their style, She could not blush assent, but she could smile. Good heaven! I thought, have I rejected fame, Credit, and wealth, for one who smiles at shame? 590 “She saw me thoughtful—saw it, as I guess’d, With some concern, though nothing she express’d. “‘Come, my dear friend, discard that look of care, All things were made to be, as all things are; All to seek pleasure as the end design’d, The only good in matter or in mind; So was I taught by one, who gave me all That my experienced heart can wisdom call. “‘I saw thee young, love’s soft obedient slave, And many a sigh to my young lover gave; 600 And I had, spite of cowardice or cow, Return’d thy passion, and exchanged my vow; But, while I thought to bait the amorous hook, One set for me my eager fancy took; There was a crafty eye, that far could see, And through my failings fascinated me: Mine was a childish wish, to please my boy; His a design, his wishes to enjoy. O! we have both about the world been tost, Thy gain I know not—I, they cry, am lost; 610 So let the wise ones talk; they talk in vain, And are mistaken both in loss and gain; ’Tis gain to get whatever life affords, ’Tis loss to spend our time in empty words. “‘I was a girl, and thou a boy wert then, Nor aught of women knew, nor I of men; But I have traffick’d in the world, and thou, Doubtless, canst boast of thy experience now; Let us the knowledge we have gain’d produce, And kindly turn it to our common use.’ 620 “Thus spoke the siren in voluptuous style, } While I stood gazing and perplex’d the while, } Chain’d by that voice, confounded by that smile. } And then she sang, and changed from grave to gay, Till all reproach and anger died away.