It may be said that the truth of this ghost story rests mainly on a stick—leans upon a "heavy white cane." Take away the cane and down comes the ghost! "white waistcoat," "high stiff shirt collar," "black coat," "blue eyes," and all!
The author of "Footfalls on the Boundary of another World" is evidently a religious man, and had he but thought as deeply upon these matters as I have done, I am sure he would never have been guilty of the impiety of bringing forward such questions as to the spirituality of walking-sticks. But I am well pleased that this "heavy white cane" has been introduced here, because it affords me a handle to cane or to knock down and drive away entirely these hideous and unnatural myths; and also because it enables me to stick to the text, and to introduce here to the public an old friend, as another illustration bearing upon the stick question. This is the apparition of one Tom Straitshank, drawn, as you will see, by your humble servant.
This was a jolly bold daring spirit, and was seen when on board the Victory at the battle of Trafalgar to emerge, like Monsieur Caron, out of some light bluish vapour, very much like the smoke of gunpowder; and in that battle it appears, like one of the heroes in "Chevy Chase," his "legs were smitten off!" but, unlike that warrior, he found that he could not fight "upon his stumps," so he had a pair of wooden legs made, and having bought two stout walking-sticks, was thus enabled to hobble about on his "timber toes." He almost always appeared in various different parts of "Greenwich Hospital," and very often surrounded by, and sometimes emerging from, a vapour very like the smoke of tobacco. I feel here that I ought to have given Tom his pipe, but the drawing of this tar was done many years since, and until I read Mrs. Crowe's book lately, I was not aware that ghosts smoked their pipes, but it actually appears that they do smoke, for at page 210 of "The Night-side of Nature," a ghost is introduced with a "short pipe," and it was found out that the reason of his "walking by night" was, that he owed "a small debt for tobacco!"
And when this little bacca-bill was paid,
This ghost, with his little bacca-pipe, was "laid;"
and we may suppose the spirit laid down his pipe. This ghost of a tobacco-pipe raises the question of what these spiritual pipes are made—of what clay, or if the Meer Schum are only mere shams; what sort of tobacco-leaves their cigars are made of, and if there are any spiritual "cabbage-leaves" mixed up with them.
Yes, we'd just like to know, what weed 'tis they burns,
Whether "Shortcut," "Shag," "Bird's eye," or "Returns."
As the gents here, light their pipes and cigars with a kind of Lucifer match, we may be pretty sure that they will continue to do so elsewhere; but one would like to know also if ghosts chaw tobacco, if they take a quid of "pig-tail," and if the smokers use spittoons—faugh!—and further, as ghosts do smoke, if they take a pinch of snuff, if there is such a thing as spiritual snuff, if there be such things as the spirit of "Irish blaguard" and "Scotch rappee?"