* Tom Weston, of facetious memory, received a similar
compliment from an orange. Tom took it up very gravely,
pretended to examine it particularly, and, advancing to the
footlights, exclaimed, “Humph! this is not a Seville (civil)
orange.” On reference to Polly Peachem's Jests (1728) the
same bon-mot is given to Wilks.
** Mapple means rough and carbuncled. Ben Jonson describes
his own face as rocky: the bark of the maple being
uncommonly rough, and the grain of one of the sorts of the
tree, as Evelyn expresses it, “undulated and crisped into a
variety of curls.”
*** It was the scandal of the time, that Tarlton owed not
his nasal peculiarity to the Bruins of Paris-garden,but to
another encounter that might have had something to do with
making his wife Kate the shrew she was.
He bluntly answered after this manner, 'the sinne of other gentlemen, letchery!'” Ben Jonson's Induction to his Bartholomew Fair, makes the stage-playur speak thus: “I have kept the stage in Master Tarlton's time, I thank my stars. Ho! an' that man had lived to play in Bartholomew Fair, you should ha seen him ha' come in, and ha' been cozened i' the cloth * quarter so finely!”
“There was one Banks (in the time of Tarlton) who served the Earle of Essex, and had a horse of strange qualities: and being at the Crosse-keyes in Gracious-street, getting money with him, as he was mightily resorted to; Tarlton, then (with his fellowes) playing at the Bell by, (should not this be the Bull in Bishopsgate-street?) came into the Crosse-keyes (amongst many people) to see fashions; which Banks perceiving, (to make the people laugh,) saies, f Signor,' (to his horse,) 'go fetch me the very est foole in the company.' The jade comes immediately, and with his mouth drawes Tarlton forth. Tarlton (with merry words) said nothing but 'God a mercy, horse!' In the end Tarlton, seeing the people laugh so, was angry inwardly, and said, 'Sir, had I power of your horse, as you have, I would doe more than that.' 'Whate'er it be,' said Banks, (to please him,) 'I will charge him to do it.' 'Then,' saies Tarlton, 'charge him to bring me the veriest wh—e-master in the company.' 'He shall,' (saies Banks,) 'Signor,' (saies he,) ' bring Master Tarlton the veriest wh—e-master in the company.' The horse leads his master to him.
* Cloth Fair, where the principal theatrical booths were
erected.
Then God a mercy, horse, indeed!' saies Tarlton. The people had much ado to keep peace; but Banks and Tarlton had like to have squared, and the horse by to give aime. But ever after it was a by-word thorow London, 'God a mercy horse!' and is to this day.”
“Tarlton, (as other gentlemen used,) at the first coming up of tobacco, did take it more for fashion's sake than otherwise, and being in a roome, set between two men overcome with wine, and they never seeing the like, wondered at it; and seeing the vapour come out of Tarlton's nose, cried out, 'Fire! fire!' and then threw a cup of wine in Tarlton's face.” With a little variation, Sir Walter Raleigh is reported to have been so treated by his servant. There are some curious old tobacco papers extant representing the fact. It was a jug of beer, not a cup of wine.
“Tarlton being at the court all night, in the morning he met a great courtier coming from his chamber, who, espying Tarlton, said, 'Good-morrow, Mr. Didimus and Tridimus.' Tarlton being somewhat abashed, not knowing the meaning thereof, said, 'Sir, I understand you not; expound, I pray you,' Quoth the courtier, 'Didimus and Tridimus are fool and knave.' 'You overload me,' replied Tarlton, 'for my back cannot bear both; therefore take you the one, and I will take the other; take you the knave, and I will carry the fool with me.' And again; there was a nobleman that asked Tarlton what he thought of soldiers in time of peace?
'Marry,' quoth he, 'they are like chimneys in summer.” Tom Brown has stolen this simile.
“Tarlton, who at that time kept a tavern in Grace-church-street, made the celebrated Robert Armin * his adopted son, on the occasion of the boy (who was then servant to a goldsmith in Lombard-street) displaying that ready wit, for which Tarlton himself was so renowned.
“A wagge thou art, none can prevent thee;