* Sept. 13, 1717. Several constables visited Pinkethman's
booth in Southwark Fair, and apprehended Pinkethman, with
others of his company, just as they had concluded a play, in
the presence of near 150 noblemen and gentlemen seated on
the stage. They were soon liberated, on making it appear
that they were the King's Servants. The Prince visited the
booth.
Other exhibitions has the saint had beside his own. Exhibitions, as a nuisance, * from that corpus sine pectore, the London common council! “Do thou amend thy face!” was the reply of Falstaff to Bardolph, when the owner of the “fiery trigon” inflicted a homily on that “sweet creature of bombast.'” How much more needful, sons of repletion! is reform to you, than the showman, who seldom sees any punch but his own; the Jack-Pudding, who grins wofully for a slice of his namesake; and the “strong man,” who gets little else between his teeth but his table! Why not be merry your own way, and let mountebanks be merry theirs? Are license and excess to be entirely on the side of “robes and furrd gowns?”
* In “A Pacquet from Wills, 1701,” an actress of “the
Playhouse,” writing to “a Stroller in the Country,” says,
“My dear Harlequin, I hoped, according to custom, at the
grand revels of St. Bartholomew to have solaced ourselves
with roast pig and a bottle. But the master of that great
bee-hive, the city, to please the canting, zealous horn-
heads, has buzzed about an order there shall be no fair! The
chief cause, say the reformers, is the profane drolls (
Whittington to wit) that ridicule the city's majesty, by
hiring a paunch-bellied porter at half-a-crown a day, to
represent an Alderman in a scarlet gown! when a lean-ribbed
scoundrel in a blue jacket, for mimicking a fool, shall have
forty shillings!” In 1743, 1750, 1760, 1798, 1825, and 1840,
further attempts were made to put down the fair. In 1760 one
Birch, (for whom St. Bartholomew had a rod in pickle! )
bearing the grandiloquent title of Deputy City Marshal (!! )
lost his life in a fray that broke out between the
suppressing authorities and the fair folk.
The amendment of Bardolph's face (nose!) per se, was not a crying case of necessity; a burning shame to be extinguished with a zeal hot as the “fire o' juniper.” It only became so in conjunction with the reformation of Falstaff's morals! *
* If every man attended to his own affairs, he would find
little time to pry into those of others. An idle head is the
devil's garret. Your intermeddler is one who has either
nothing to do, or having it to do, leaves it undone. It is
good to reform others; 'tis better to begin with ourselves.
He who censures most severely the faults of his neighbour is
generally very merciful to his own. “One day judgeth
another,” says old Stow, “and the last judgeth all.”
We laugh at the hypocrite when caught in his own snare—when
guilty of the suppressio veri, he is openly detected in the
suggestio falsi, and made to pay the penalty of his
duplicity. An ancient beau, bounding with all the vigour and
alacrity that age, gout, and rheumatism usually inspire,
cuts not a more ridiculous figure!
Hermes, or Mercury, was a thief, and the god of thieves;
Venus, a gay lady; Bacchus, a wine-bibber; and Juno, a
scold. And what apology offers sweet Jack Falstaff, kind
Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff,
for his infirmities! He lets judgment go by default! “Dost
thou hear, Hal? thou knowest, in the state of innocency,
Adam fell; and what should poor Jack Falstaff do, in these
days of villany?”
This is truth as deep as the centre. Whoever shall cast a
pebble at old Jack after this, must have his conscience
Macadamised!
Be your grace * short, and your meals long. Abate not one slice of venison, one spoonful of turtle. Be the fat, white and green, all your own! ** But war not with Punch—
“Let the poor devil eat; allow him that!”
“Curtail not our holiday Septembrisers of their fair proportion of fun.”
“To those sentiments,” exclaimed Deputy Doublechin, “I most heartily respond!”
* The Rev. R. C. Dillon (Lord Mayor's chaplain in 1826)
published in 1830 a “Sermon on the evil of fairs in general,
and Bartholomew Fair in particular.” Who would have thought
that this pious functionary had been so great a foe to the
fair?
The following odd combinations occur in the title of a
sermon published in 1734. “The deformity of sin cured; a
sermon preached at St. Michael's Crooked Lane, before the
Prince of Orange, (the Prince was not quite straight! ) by
the Rev. J. Crookshanks. Sold by Matthew Denton at the
Crooked Billet, near Cripplegate.
** A physician once observed that he could tell of what
country a man was by his complaint. If it laid in the head,
he was a Scotchman; if in the heart, he was an Irishman; if
in the stomach, he was an Englishman.