ANTE-POSTHUMOUS JEALOUSY
"Isn't Emily Firkinson a darling, Reginald?"
"A—ahem—no doubt. I can't say much for her singing, you know!"
"Ah! but she's so good and true—a perfect angel! I've known her all my life. I want you to promise me something, Reginald."
"Certainly, my love!"
"If I should die young, and you should ever marry again, promise, oh! promise me that it shall be Emily Firkinson!"
DISTINGUISHED PROFESSIONALS
Hostess (to host, after dinner).—"George, dear, how about asking Signor Robsonio and Signora Smithorelli to sing? They'll be mortally offended if we do, and they'll be mortally offended if we don't!"
SOCIAL AGONIES
Mrs. Bloker.—"Oh, I'm sorry to disturb you at breakfast, but I wanted to make sure of you. Mr. and Mrs. Dedleigh Boreham are stopping with me for a few days, and I want you to come and dine to-morrow, or, if you are engaged, Wednesday; or Thursday will do, or Friday or Saturday; or any day next week!"
(Mrs. Brown feebly tries to invent that they have some thoughts of sailing to Honolulu this afternoon, and that they have just lost a relative, but breaks down ignominiously.)