The General.—"I've brought you a new book, Aunt Emily, by the new French Academician. I'm told it's very good; but I've not read it myself, so I'm not sure it's quite—a—quite correct, you know."
Aunt Emily.—"My dear boy, I'm ninety-six, and I'll risk it!"
TRIALS OF A PAINTER'S WIFE
Sir Binks (who always piques himself on saying just the right thing).—"A—what I like so much about the milkmaid, dontcherknow, is that your husband hasn't fallen into the usual mistake of painting a lady dressed up in milkmaid's clothes! She's so unmistakably a milkmaid and nothing else, dontcherknow!"
The Painter's Wife.—"I'm so glad you think so.... He painted her from me!"
LADIES OF FASHION AND THEIR DOCTORS
(Scene: The Waiting-Room of a Fashionable Physician.)
Fair Patient (just ushered in).—"What—you here, Lizzie? Why, ain't you well?"
Second Ditto.—"Perfectly, thanks! But what's the matter with you, dear?"
First Ditto.—"Oh, nothing whatever! I'm as right as possible, dearest ...!"