Witness. What do 'ee zaay? I be zo hard o' hirin', I caan't hire nothen, wi'out I comes handier to 'ee.
Counsel. What did you see the prisoner do?
Witness. Aw! I tell'd 'ee avore as I zeed it aal. I wurden no furder awaay vrom un then I be vrom thuck owld gent thur [the Judge]. Bill Stevens he come out an' a zaays, zaays he, 'I'll breäk thee mazzard vor the'!' an' a offer'd to hit un wi' a graft as he wur a carr'n. An' Jim he up wi' he's showl an' hut un auver th' yead wi't. An' if he hadden a hut he, he'd a hut he, an' if he'd a hut he as he hut he, he'd a killed he, 'sted o' he killin' he! That's aal as I knaws on't!
E. H. G.
[HOW OUR ETHERD GOT THE PEWRESY.]
[North Wilts: Hilmarton.]
Etherd he bin sart o' rough fur this long time, wuver he never bin not to say well since he wur bad wi' the influenzy las' year. A ketched a cowld the day as thuck rain wur. A wur up at hill wi' the ship out in the bleat, an' a cudden get into the succour nowur, and vor aal as he wur droo wet he wur foc'd to bide in't aal day. An' when a cum whoam at night a says to I, 'Mary,' a says, 'I feels ter'ble middlin'. I got a mind to ha' a bit o' zupper an gwo to bed.' Wull, I got un out the berd an' cheese out o' the panterny, but do you thenk as he cud yeat or a mossel on't? not if anybody had a gied he the wurld, a cudden't, a said. An' a simmed zart o' shrammed wi' the cowld, an' a did kip on a coughin a'ter he got into bed, and simmin to I a never stopped till the clock hut dree, and then that rampin pain cum on at such a rate in hes zide, as he didden knaw wur to get to, nur what to do. An' that follered on aal day, and I cudden get un to take next akin to nothin', and allus a wantin summut to drenk. That wur aal he's cry. Thur I made shower as he'd a died avore the doctor come. Bill he went in to fetch un, but a never come till Vriday aaternoon, and a said as he'd a got the pewresy and he'd send un along a bottle o' medecine, but Etherd he wudden take it 'snaw, fur a said twern't nuthen in this wurl' but a drop o' water wi' some peppermint in't or summat o' that. An' Sally Moore her come in wi' some hoss-fat as come out o' thuck owld hoss o' Mas' John's as vull in the pit, an' her 'suaded I to rub some o' that into un, an' that sim to do he more good bless 'ee thun aal the doctor's medecine. Wuver the doctor he come agean isterday marnin', and a axed un how a wur. An' a spawk up bless 'ee and telled un straight as twern't nor a mozzel o' good fur he to zend no more o' thuck stuff as he zent avore, fur a zaid as twern't wuth a louse's liver! The doctor he didden like ut vurry well, but a telled I as he'd channge it, an' zo a did. A let the bwoy ride back along wi' un, an' a brought back this yer bottle wi' summat wrote on't. But thur I bean't no scholard, and the bwoy he cudden rade it, but a zaid as the doctor tell'd he as a wurden to take but one spoonvull on't once in vower hours. Zo I gied un a dawse, but he 'suaded I to gie un two spoonvulls, and I'll warn as a hadden a took ut vive minutes avore twer aal awver'n—back, bully, an' zides! Now that's what I caals zome o' the right zart that, and I got faith as that'll do he good!
E. H. G.
[GWOIN' RAYTHER TOO FUR WI' A VEYTHER.]
[North Wilts: Clyffe Pypard.]