One of the most lively is a story told to show the inevitable unhappiness of a marriage between persons of different sects. The husband, a High Church man, and the wife, of Presbyterian persuasion, were happy enough during the first months of married life, "tho' he sometimes expressed a Dissatisfaction at being denied the Pleasure of leading her to Westminster-Abbey, for he would hear no Divine Service out of a Cathedral, and she was no less troubled that she could not prevail with him to make his Appearance with her at the Conventicle." Consequently when their first child was born, they were unable to agree how the boy was to be baptized. "All their Discourse was larded with the most piquant Reflections," but to no purpose. The father insisted upon having his own way, but Amonia, as his consort was not inappropriately named, was no less stubborn in her detestation of lawn sleeves, and on the eve of the christening had the ceremony privately performed by her own minister. When the bishop and the guests were assembled, she announced with "splenetic Satisfaction" that the child had already been "made a Christian" and that his name was John. The astonished husband lapsed into an "adequate rage," and though restrained by the company from doing an immediate violence to his help-mate, was permanently estranged from her through his resentment. Two other stories from "The Female Spectator" were quoted by Dr. Nathan Drake in his "Gleaner."
In her bold attempt to rival Addison upon his own ground Mrs. Haywood was more than moderately successful in the estimation of many of her contemporaries. Rambling and trite as are the essays in her periodical, their excellent intentions, at least, gained them a degree of popularity. A writer in the "Gentleman's Magazine" for December, 1744, applauding the conspicuous merit of the "fair philosophers in virtue's cause," declared that
"Were your great predecessor yet on earth,
He'd be the first to speak your page's worth,
There all the foibles of the fair you trace;
There do you shew your sex's truest grace;
There are the various wiles of man display'd,
In gentle warnings to the cred'lous maid;
Politely pictur'd, wrote with strength and ease,
And while the wand'rer you reclaim, you please….
Women, the heart of women best can reach;
While men from maxims—you from practice teach."
The latter part of the panegyric shows that the fair romancer had not been entirely smothered in the fair philosopher and moral essayist.
Perhaps encouraged by the success of "The Female Spectator" to publish more frequently, or actuated by a desire to appeal to the public interest in the political excitement of 1745-6, Mrs. Haywood next attempted to combine the periodical essay with the news-letter, but the innovation evidently failed to please. "The Parrot, with a Compendium of the Times" ran only from 2 August to 4 October, 1746. The numbers consisted commonly of two parts: the first being moralizings on life and manners by a miraculous parrot; and the second a digest of whatever happenings the author could scrape together. The news of the day was concerned chiefly with the fate of the rebels in the last Stuart uprising and with rumors of the Pretender's movements. From many indications Eliza Haywood would seem to have taken a lively interest in the Stuart cause, but certainly she had no exceptional facilities for reporting the course of events, and consequently her budget of information was often stale or filled with vague surmises. But she did not overlook the opportunity to narrate con amore such pathetic incidents as the death of Jemmy Dawson's sweetheart at the moment of his execution, later the subject of Shenstone's ballad. The vaporizings of the parrot were also largely inspired by the trials of the rebels, but the sagacious bird frequently drew upon such stock subjects as the follies of the gay world, the character of women, the unreliability of venal praise and interested personal satire, and the advantages of making one's will—the latter illustrated by a story. Somewhat more unusual was a letter from an American Poll, representing how much it was to the interest of England to preserve, protect, and encourage her plantations in the New World, and complaining of the tyranny of arbitrary governors. But the essay parts of "The Parrot" are not even equal to "The Female Spectator" and deserve no lightening of the deep and speedy oblivion cast upon them.
Besides her periodical essays Mrs. Haywood wrote during her declining years several conduct books, which, beyond showing the adaptability of her pen to any species of writing, have but small importance. One of them, though inheriting something from Defoe, owed most to the interest in the servant girl heroine excited by Richardson's first novel. No sociologist has yet made a study of the effect of "Pamela" upon the condition of domestics, but the many excellent maxims on the servant question uttered by Lord B—— and his lady can hardly have been without influence upon the persons of the first quality who pored over the volumes. In popular novels, at any rate, abigails and scullions reigned supreme. In 1752 the "Monthly Review" remarked of a recent work of fiction, "The History of Betty Barnes," that it seemed "chiefly calculated for the amusement of a class of people, to whom the Apprentice's Monitor, or the Present for a servant maid might be recommended to much better purpose," but the reviewer's censure failed to quell the demand for romances of the kitchen. Mrs. Haywood, however, might have approved of his recommendation, since she happened to be the author of the little manual of household science especially urged upon the females below stairs.
"A Present for a Servant-Maid. Or, the Sure Means of Gaining Love and Esteem" was frequently reprinted both in London and Dublin during the years 1743-4, and as late as 1772 a revision was mentioned in the "Monthly Review" as a "well-designed and valuable tract."[10] The work is a compendium of instructions for possible Pamelas, teaching them in brief how to wash, to market, to dress any sort of meat, to cook, to pickle, and to preserve their virtue. The maids are cautioned against such female errors as sluttishness, tale-bearing, staying on errands, telling family affairs, aping the fashion, and giving saucy answers. They are forbidden to play with fire or candles, to quarrel with fellow domestics, to waste victuals or to give them away. A fine example of the morality of scruples inculcated by the tract is the passage on the duty of religious observance. A maidservant should not neglect to go to church at least every other Sunday, and should never spend the time allowed her for that purpose walking in the fields or drinking tea with an acquaintance. "Never say you have been at Church unless you have, but if you have gone out with that Intention, and been diverted from it by any Accident or Persuasions, confess the Truth, if asked." Girls so unhappy as to live with people who "have no Devotion themselves" should entreat permission to go to church, and if it is refused them, rather leave their place than be deprived of sacred consolation. "If you lose one, that God, for whose sake you have left it, will doubtless provide another, and perhaps a better for you." Scarcely more edifying are the considerations of self-interest which should guide a maidservant into the paths of virtue. "Industry and Frugality are two very amiable Parts of a Woman's Character, and I know no readier Way than attaining them, to procure you the Esteem of Mankind, and get yourselves good Husbands. Consider, my dear Girls, that you have no Portions, and endeavour to supply the Deficiencies of Fortune by Mind." And in pure Pamela vein is the advice offered to those maids whose honor is assailed. If the temptation come from the master, it will be well to reflect whether he is a single or a married man and act accordingly. One cannot expect the master's son to keep a promise of marriage without great difficulty, but the case may be different with a gentleman lodger, especially if he be old and doting. And the moral of all is: Don't sell yourselves too cheap. Finally to complete the usefulness of the pamphlet were added, "Directions for going to Market: Also, for Dressing any Common Dish, whether Flesh, Fish or Fowl. With some Rules for Washing, &c. The whole calculated for making both the Mistress and the Maid happy."
More especially intended to promote the happiness of the mistress of the family, "The Wife, by Mira, One of the Authors of the Female Spectator, and Epistles for Ladies" (1756) contains advice to married women on how to behave toward their husbands in every conceivable situation, beginning with the first few weeks after marriage "vulgarly call'd the honey-moon," and ending with "How a Woman ought to behave when in a state of Separation from her Husband"—a subject upon which Mrs. Haywood could speak from first-hand knowledge. Indeed it must be confessed that the writer seems to be chiefly interested in the infelicities of married life, and continually alleviates the rigor of her didactic pasages [Transcriber's note: sic] with lively pictures of domestic jars, such as the following:
"The happy day which had join'd this pair was scarce six weeks elapsed, when lo! behold a most terrible reverse;—the hurry of their fond passion was over;—dalliance was no more,—kisses and embraces were now succeeded by fighting, scratching, and endeavouring to tear out each other's eyes;—the lips that before could utter only,—my dear,—my life,—my soul,—my treasure, now pour'd forth nothing but invectives;—they took as little care to conceal the proofs of their animosity as they had done to moderate those of a contrary emotion;— they were continually quarreling;—their house was a Babel of confusion;—no servant would stay with them a week;—they were shunn'd by their most intimate friends, and despis'd by all their acquaintance; till at last they mutually resolv'd to agree in one point, which was, to be separated for ever from each other" (p. 16).
So the author discusses a wife's behavior toward a husband when laboring under disappointment or vexatious accidents; sleeping in different beds; how a woman should act when finding that her husband harbors unjust suspicions of her virtue; the great indiscretion of taking too much notice of the unmeaning or transient gallantries of a husband; the methods which a wife is justified to take after supporting for a long time a complication of all manner of ill-usage from a husband; and other causes or effects of marital infelicity. Though marriage almost inevitably terminates in a "brulée," the wife should spare no efforts to ameliorate her husband's faults.