What the ‘besides’ implied Richard did not make formal even in his own thoughts. It stood for a vague objection to having all his relatives dwelling at Wanley. Alice he would not mind; it was not impossible to picture Alice in conversation with Mrs. and Miss Waltham; indeed, he desired that for her. And yet—
Richard was at an awkward pass. Whithersoever he looked he saw stumbling-blocks, the more disagreeable in that they rather loomed in a sort of mist than declared themselves for what they were. He had not the courage to approach and examine them one by one; he had not the audacity to imagine leaps over them; yet somehow they had to be surmounted. At this moment, whilst ‘Arry was waiting for the rejoinder to his last reply, Richard found himself wrestling again with the troubles which had kept him wakeful for the last two nights. He had believed them finally thrown and got rid of. Behold, they were more stubborn than ever.
He kept silence so long that his brother spoke.
‘What sort of a job is it?’
To his surprise, Richard displayed sudden anger.
‘If you weren’t such a young fool you’d see what’s best for you, and go on as I meant you to! What do you mean by saying you won’t work? If you weren’t such a thickhead you might go to school and be taught how to behave yourself, and how a man ought to live; but it’s no use sending you to any such place. Can’t you understand that a man with money has to find some sort of position in the world? I suppose you’d like to spend the rest of your life in public-houses and music-halls?’
Richard was well aware that to give way to his temper was worse than useless, and could only defeat every end; but something within him just now gnawed so intolerably that there was nothing for it but an outbreak. The difficulties of life were hedging him in—difficulties he could not have conceived till they became matter of practical experience. And unfortunately a great many of them were not of an honest kind; they would not bear exposing. For a man of decision, Mutimer was getting strangely remote from practical roads.
‘I shall live as I like,’ observed ‘Arry, thrusting out his legs and bending his body forward, a combination of movements which, I know not why, especially suggests dissoluteness.
Richard gave up the contest for the present, and went in silence from the room. As he joined his mother and sister they suddenly ceased talking.
‘Don’t cook anything for me,’ he said, remaining near the door. ‘I’m going out.’