‘If you could behave quietly and sensibly, we would have an evening to make final arrangements.’
‘I can,’ she answered, with a calm that surprised him. ‘If you go without letting me see you again, I don’t know what I might do. But I can be as sensible as you are, if I’m treated fairly.’
He grasped her hand.
‘Remember, dear girl, that I have a good deal to worry me just now. Do you suppose I leave you with a light heart?’
‘If you can persuade me that you care—’
‘I care a good deal more than I can easily say. Your position is a very hard one,—harder than mine. But I’m going away to work for your future. I see clearly that it’s the best thing I could do. Whether Vawdrey’s ideas come to anything or not, I shall make profit out of the journey; I mean to write,—I think it’s all I can do to any purpose,—and the material I shall get together over there will give me a start. Don’t think I am cold-hearted because I talk in this way; if I broke down, so much the worse for both of us. The time has come for serious work.’
‘But we shan’t lose my money. I’ve made up my mind we shan’t.’
‘It’s impossible for you to guard against every danger. We must be prepared for the worst, and that responsibility rests on me. Try and keep your mind at ease; whatever happens, to protect you is my duty, and I shall not fail in it.’
Speaking thus, Tarrant felt the glow of virtue. His words were perfectly sincere, but had reference to a future which his thoughts left comfortably vague.
They were to meet again, probably for the definite parting, three days hence. Tarrant, whose desire for escape had now become incontrollable, used the intervening time in a rush of preparations. He did not debate with himself as to the length of his sojourn in the West Indies; that must be determined by circumstances. Explicitly he had avoided a promise on the subject. What money he possessed he would take with him; it might be to his interest, for Nancy’s likewise, to exceed the term of absence provided for in his stipulations with Mr. Vawdrey. But all he deliberately thought of was the getting away. Impatient with Nancy, because of the vagaries resultant from her mental and physical state, he himself exhibited a flagrant triumph of instinct over reason. Once in enjoyment of liberty, he would reflect, like a practical man, on the details of his position, review and recognise his obligations, pay his debt to honour; but liberty first of all. Not his the nature to accept bondage; it demoralised him, made him do and say things of which he was ashamed. Only let him taste the breezes of ocean, and the healthful spirit which is one with rectitude would again inspire him.